


just another day

by pizzaslice



Category: Mötley Crüe
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, idk what to tag this i’m sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:20:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 23,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28426146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pizzaslice/pseuds/pizzaslice
Summary: Surely Nikki still couldn’t be doing smack, right? He almost died! That must’ve been a big enough red flag to get him to stop.. right..?
Relationships: Tommy Lee/Nikki Sixx
Comments: 38
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi! just wanted to say this fanfiction isn’t finished but if you guys like it i will 100% update it for you!  
> this is the first fanfiction i’ve ever written so uh- sorry if it’s not the best :)

Hi i would like to start this off by saying i don’t know how to write and i dont know anything about drugs, all I’ve written is based off google research 

Nikki woke to bright florescent lights around him and overwhelmingly white walls surrounding him on a small, white bed with thin, sheet Luke blankets. The bassist slow looked around, groaning in discomfort as he felt an IV in his already track marked arm. Nikki was honestly surprised they had even found a vein to inject into.. that must be why he was here.  
Before he even had time to think the matter over he felt a warm hand placed onto his shoulder. Looking to the side, Nikki saw Tommy. The regularly perky drummer looked like he had been crying. Woah.  
Nikki reached towards the IV to try and rip it away, not liking the feeling of it simply staying in his arm.  
You should be used to that shit by now, Sixx.  
“Dont you fucking dare-“ Tommy warned. Quickly grabbing Nikki’s hand to pull it away from the IV. Causing Nikki to scowl in his direction. “Tommy cut the shit.. I wont die just because i take one fucking IV out of my arm.” He said, honestly just wanting to go home, get out of there as soon as possible.  
“Nikki you almost died! You were dead for like- at least two minutes dude!” Tommy said, frowning at the carelessness in Nikki’s voice.  
“Yeah T, i got that” Nikki said, sighing softly. He felt too tired to move, so unfortunately, not enough energy to argue with Tommy. Closing his eyes, Nikki decided to get a little more sleep before the withdrawal started to kick in.  
Tommy watched Nikki slowly fall back to sleep. Deciding he wouldn’t try to wake him. The brunette let a few more tears slip from his eyes as he slowly reached over to comb his fingers through Nikki’s currently rather slick, box dyed black hair. Oh how he missed the old Nikki. The Nikki who was always so dedicated to working on his music. Fuck, he even missed how much of a control freak Nikki was in the studio because he wanted something done a certain way and would make everyone rehearse hours open hours to get to where he wanted to be because Nikki being Nikki, he was going to get it there. 

——————————————————————————————————————————

It had been a few days (in which Tommy stuck around for, to y’know, make sure Nikki was alright) since Nikki’s overdose and the hospital suggested Nikki go to their rehab centre they had there, but Nikki refused, and since he was a legal adult, they had to let him go.  
Once Nikki was home, he was aching for a hit. He had tried to kick heroin before, he lasted about three days before he absolutely couldn’t take the pain much longer and called Jason, demanding he bring over some dope.  
The bassist looked around his dimly lit room, it was absolutely disgusting. Used needles, syringes, dirty clothes littering the barely visible floor, bottles of Jack Daniels, beer, whiskey, you name it and there was probably both a half empty or broken bottle of the stuff.  
Once Nikki reached the phone he began dialing Jason’s number, waiting immediately for his dealer to answer the phone. An hour or so, Jason showed up to a very fidgety Nikki.  
“Here you go, man.” Jason said, smiling and waving goodbye to Nikki after giving him the smack.  
Immediately Nikki retreated back inside and towards his room. Tightening a bandana he had tied around his upper bicep earlier that evening. Looking for somewhere on his arm that didnt already have track marks.  
Eventually Nikki hit up and was instantly sent into the warm rush Nikki was expecting. God he was fucked up.

——————————————————————————————————————-

It had been a day since Nikki had come home from the hospital, and Tommy felt like paying him a visit. Y’know, to check up on his best pal. Surely Nikki still couldn’t be doing smack, right? He almost died! That must’ve been a big enough red flag to get him to stop.. right..?  
Tommy hopped on his Harley and begin the drive to Nikki’s mansion in Van Nuys. The drive doesn’t take long and he’s soon enough knocking on a big black front door Tommy recognized well. He waited a few minutes before knocking on the door again and that’s when the door gets open a crack and Nikki is peeking his head out. Hold on, did he.. he fucking shot up again.  
“Nik.. hi I just came to check if you were, yknow if you were okay” Tommy said as Nikki slowly eased the door open. “yeah hey, T-bone I’m great” Nikki said, running a hand through his still slick looking hair and ruffling it a bit. A smirk playing at the sides of his lips.  
“That’s great, Nikki” Tommy said, smiling a little. He knew things weren’t great, they weren’t even remotely good. “You haven’t uh- shot up since then uh” Tommy began, he knew the truth and he was curious if Nikki would admit it to him.  
“Nah man..m’just fine” fucking lies.  
“Well thats good.. okay Nik, I’m gonna head home I just wanted to check in on you and make sure you were alright, we have practice tomorrow so don’t forget” Tommy said, feeling tears prick at his eyes, somehow Nikki’s dishonesty had really upset him. Probably because Nikki was almost always brutally honest about practically everything.. though the more that Tommy thought about it, he wasn’t. Nikki always lied, whether is was about being sober, what his real emotions were, all that. The more that Tommy thought about it, Nikki was only truthful about everyone else. He kept himself a complete mystery.  
Tommy patted Nikki on the shoulder and waved goodbye, walking down his driveway and back to his Harley. That was a short visit but at least Tommy had figured out what he needed to.  
Tommy sped home, riding the slick, black Harley beneath him. Driving out of Van Nuys and back home. God he hoped Nikki would get clean. It hurt him to see what it was doing to Nikki.. and how nonchalantly he ignored the fact he almost died just a few days ago.  
——————————————————————————————————————————

Tommy, Vince, and Mick were all sitting in the studio watching the clock. It had been half an hour since practice started, which meant Nikki was half an hour late.  
“Where is he? Isn’t he the one who makes a big fucking deal about one of missing rehearsal??” Vince complained, leaning against the door frame. “he’s such a fucking hypocrite..” the blonde muttered, crossing his arms.  
“I’m here, I’m here, calm your shit, vinnie.” Nikki said, suddenly walking through the door. Boy, it wouldn’t take a genius to tell that Nikki had shot up right before he came here.  
“Great.” Mick said, chiming in from the back of the room where he was leaning against the wall next to his amp, slouched and with his guitar in his hands, ready to play. “got any lyrics written?” The guitarist asked, looking towards Nikki with a hopeful expression, trying to find some sort of excuse for why Nikki was so late, despite the obvious..

“Yeah i got this” Nikki nodded and pulled some crumpled papers from his pocket and handing them to Mick. 

That same smirk playing at the corners of his lips that Tommy saw yesterday. Mick took a look at the slightly crumpled up papers Nikki handed him. “Nikki you gave us these last week.” Vince said, looking up from where he was looking over Mick’s shoulder at the lyrics. “Fuck, Nikki..” the singer rolled his eyes, stepping away from Mick.  
Tommy was trying his best to ignore Vince and Nikki’s current bickering. Awkwardly examining the musty off-white carpet that matched with the light cream coloured walls covered in pictures, records, and speakers. The room was square, with a mahogany table pushed against the back wall, a deep, red couch on the left side wall, and a big, cushy brown chair on the right side wall. The rest of the floor was covered with amps, Tommy’s drum set, a few half drunken bottles, and some papers filled with potential ideas written by the rest of the band in Nikki’s absence.  
“Look, do you want to start writing lyrics? Because last time i checked Vince, you cant write for shit!” Nikki said, a few of his words slurring together in an attempt to defend himself.  
“Yeah well it’s not difficult to replace a fucking bassist who can write, Nik.” Even mick looked up at Vince in a slight surprise at that. Jesus Christ..

“Oh fuck off” Nikki sneered, trying to practically ignore vince’s words completely as he began walking towards the bathroom, and we all knew why. He was going to shoot up, again.  
“Nikki-“ Tommy called, slight distress lacing into his voice. How could Vince start stuff like this when he knows what condition Nikki was in and what it would do to him. God, Vince could be so stupid sometimes.  
Of course, Nikki ignored him. heading to the bathroom and shutting the door, locking it directly after. Nikki shoved his hands into his pockets, hoping to find a spoon or something. Well, unfortunately for him, all he had was an old cola bottle cap.  
————————————————————————————————————————-

“Sixx, C’mon open the door, i cant tell if you’re alive in there.” 

A voice nikki recognized as Mick’s came from outside the door. He must’ve passed out for a while after he shot up. Still in the high, Nikki unlocked the door.  
“M’not dead, mick” he grumbled, walking back to the recording studio room, and practically falling onto the couch. Avoiding vince’s glare and looking over at Tommy. The drummer looked like he was rather upset, his eyes slightly reddened, along with his cheeks and nose... had Tommy been crying?  
Nikki felt a pang of guilt at the fact he was probably the reason that the drummer’s casual happiness was temporarily compromised. 

“And would you look at that? Now that Nikki’s finally dragged his ass back here, its almost time for practice to be over.” Vince’s agitated voice rang out through the room.  
“Well its not like you ever show up anyways..” Nikki said, that same confidence, slightly arrogant expression across his face. “Look let’s just- catch up on some shit tomorrow, okay?” Nikki turned to the exit, bass in hand, walking out and towards his car.  
Though nikki only made it half way through the parking lot before a strong hand grabbed his upper arm, stopping him from going further.

“Nikki wait, you’re too fucked up to drive. I’ll drive you home and to practice tomorrow.. and you can get your car back tomorrow, okay?” 

Tommy spoke firmly, as if it wasn’t just an offer, and more of a demand. His arm still around the bassists noticeably recently skinnier bicep, knowing if nikki didn’t accept, he’d quick make a break to run to his car. At least Tommy’s plan would ensure that Nikki wasn’t late for practice again.

“T-bone let me go its all good i can drive myself.”

Nikki tried to shake Tommy’s hand off him, to no success. “Jesus, fine.”  
With that, Nikki was willingly dragged to Tommy’s slick motorcycle. It had just enough room for Tommy and Nikki to fit onto it. Tommy swung his leg over, sitting in the ‘drivers seat.’  
“Get on dude, and don’t forget to hold on.” Tommy said, waiting as Nikki swung his leg over the motorcycle’s body and adjusting his seating so he was as close to Tommy as possible, knowing he’d probably fall off if he wasn’t that close to the lanky boy in front of him. Hesitantly wrapping his arms around Tommy’s skinny waist. How the hell was he that warm?  
As Tommy said something Nikki either didn’t hear or unconsciously ignored, Nikki felt himself sinking against the warmth of Tommy’s back as the wind blew against his face, his grin on Tommy’s torso tight ended as he felt them speed up down the highway on there way to Nikki’s house in Van Nuys. 

Tommy felt butterflies in his stomach as Nikki’s arms tightened around him. Tommy felt strange sense of safety with Nikki’s arms were around him. Like a comfort he didn’t know he needed. It didn’t help one bit that he had certain.. feelings for the not very sober Nikki attached to him, but then again, these days he’s never really sober.  
Tommy felt the bassists head resting against his back shoulder blade, making Tommy have an almost overwhelming warm smile spread across his face as they drove, around half way to Nikki’s home.  
Once they reached Nikki’s house, Nikki got off the bike.

“Thanks for the ride, T..do you wanna come in for a bit?” Nikki asked, thoughts dwelling in his mind that he knew he would end up regretting if he didn’t talk about, but on the other hand, he might regret it a lot more if he did say what exactly he was thinking. 

“Yeah sure, lets hang out, dude” 

Tommy said, his smile slightly disappointed at the loss of contact and new found coldness from where Nikki’s body heat used warm.  
Tommy followed the bassist up the driveway and to his front door, watching as he fished his keys out of hid back pocket and unlocked the door, holding open for Tommy.  
“Thanks, Nik”  
Tommy said, following Nikki inside and looking around. While his house wasn’t the neatest.. it wasn’t messy. Nikki was just lucky Tommy hasn’t seen his bedroom. Floor littered with bent, burnt spoons, empty bottles, dirty clothes, you name it, it was probably on on the bassists floor.  
Once they got inside, nikki walked to the fridge to grab Tommy and himself a bottle of jack to pass around, taking a sip of it before handing it to Tommy, who was now seated on his living room couch. Nikki looked around the room, not that he hadn’t seen the room before, but much of his time was spent in his cluttered bedroom, he wasn’t used to the brighter light shining through his living room windows.

“Thanks for the jack” 

Tommy smiled, still feeling the essence of the warm joyful smile he had when nikki’s ares were wrapped around him on the motorcycle.  
“Yeah, no problem” Nikki said, waiting for Tommy to pass the jack back to him so he could take a particularly big sip before going on to say what he had been thinking about for.. quite a few months. Nikki was well aware this might fuck up his friendship with the drummer, make things awkward in band practice, but by now Nikki had decided nothing in his life was meant to be easy, or overall enjoyable really.  
Tommy handed him the bottle of jack. Well, here goes nothing.. Nikki took a gulp of the JDs and took a deep breath.  
Cmon you’re Nikki fuckin Sixx.. you can do this.

“Hey Tommy?” Nikki started out simple, getting the drummers attention instantly. Tommy could sense a tone of seriousness in Nikki’s voice, which was both uncommon and veery common to hear. Nikki was a serious person, but he never brought up serious personal topics, any form of vulnerability simply didn’t exist with Nikki. Now Tommy had no idea if this was anything personal but, what else would it be??

“Yeah, Nik? What’s up”

Now that Nikki had Tommy’s attention, he stayed quiet a few seconds before opening his mouth to speak.

“Look uh.. y’know how you’re always telling me about how you’re head over heels for these girls you meet, you always say how you think they’re the one and that they’re always on your mind? You cant stop thinking about them.. like they’ve plagued your mind, but in a good way? Like they make your heart.. warm? Make you feel understood, y’know?”

Nikki had began rambling, partially to stall and avoid getting to the point of what he was trying to say, but also to try and assess how Tommy Seoul’s react because in all honesty, the two of them never really had conversations like this. Sure Tommy always spilt his guts about some girl he was in love with, but those were mostly one sided conversations.  
Tommy thought for a moment. Sure he said some of that, all the way up to ‘always on your mind’ he did say that, but it was never really the girls he meant.. it was Nikki. But then he came to another conclusion, one that made his heart sink.. was NIkki talking about some girl he thinks he loves?  
“Yeah.. yeah i know what you mean, are trying to ask for advice with some girl or something?” Tommy asked, a slightly joking tone lacing his voice to hide any unconfirmed hurt.

“No- why the- no Tommy that’s not why I’m bring that up i um..” Nikki panicked, he never really thought he’d make it this far into this conversation.. well, no backing out now.

“I uh.. Well i guess I’m starting to feel like that for.. for someone”  
Jesus Christ Nikki couldn’t you have just said ‘You Tommy, i love you.’

“Yeah? Dude you gotta elaborate, i cant give you my kick ass advice if i dont know some shit about them” Tommy said, his tone still light and joking as he rolled his eyes. Why was Nikki being so weird?? 

“No Tommy, i dont want your stupid ass advice. It’s you, okay? I feel like that about you. I know it’s fucking stupid I shouldn’t have said it, shit is going to be awkward at practice and on tour-fuck Tommy, im so-“  
Nikki was about to apologize when Tommy stopped him. “ Nik, dont apologize.. i uh- you’re not fucking with me, right?” Tommy said, wanting to check before he confirmed anything.  
“No Tommy, I’m completely serious..” Nikki said, his voice quieted a bit, but it sounded slightly hopeful at Tommy’s words. 

“Okay then.. yknow how I always talk about how those woman are always on my mind? Fucking lies, its you, sixx. You’re Always on my mind.”

Now that shocked Nikki.  
“Really? Tommy you’re serious? You’re not just like- saying this out of pity, right?” Nikki had to confirm, almost as if he didn’t believe that those words came from Tommy’s mouth.

“Nikki, i would never lie to you.” Tommy’s confirmed, the warm smile returning to his face.  
Nikki smiled a little. “Wow..” that promise meant a lot to Nikki. That Tommy would never lie to him, and he believed it. Tommy had always been honest with him, so he trusted Tommy more than probably anyone.  
Out of straight shock (maybe straights not the right word here..) Nikki leaned forwards slightly and connected their lips into a kiss. The sensation was never as Nikki imagined it. It was much sweeter. He expected his first, if at all kiss with the drummer to be drunken, rough and loveless but really, it was the exact opposite. It was slow, and sweet, gentle and full of love. Though unfortunately for the two of them, it broke for oxygen purposes and they both stared at each other, panting softly.  
The pair of them stayed silent for the next few minutes, it wasn’t an awkward silence, more of a peaceful one than anything.  
Tommy brushed Nikki’s cheek with his hand. Looking down and taking nikki’s hand in his own.

“Hey T, do you maybe wanna stay the night? Since you still gotta come back for me in the morning so i can get my car..” 

Nikki suggested, using the car as an excuse in case Tommy thought he was being clingy, something SIxx never wanted to be seen as, despite feeling the need to cling to Tommy so that he wouldn’t leave. Years of moving whenever he ended up making friends, and inconsistently living with his mother on and off had taught Nikki to simply block people out, why get close to someone if they’re going to leave, and even worse, leave you hurting. But it was different with Tommy. somehow, Tommy wormed his way into Nikki’s heart and now that he made his way in, Nikki never wanted him to leave.

“Sure, Nik. I’d love to” 

That made Nikki grin widely. Something he hadn’t done in a while. Always a smirk and never a smile. It made Tommy’s heart swell with happiness to know that he was the one who caused it, and god it was beautiful.

“Hey Sixx, not to be a sappy fucker or anything but that smile of yours is amazing, you should really smile like that more often” Tommy said, feeling his mouth curl up into a half smirk, half smile. 

Nikki’s eyes widened a bit and he shoved Tommy’s shoulder playfully, pulling away from him form him and smirking. “Piss off you sappy motherfucker!” Nikki said playfully, looking at Tommy to make sure the brunette knew he was just messing around. 

“Awe, cmon Nik,you’re not going to accept one complement from the guy you just confessed to actually liking? Harshhh” Tommy said, chuckling and giving Nikki a puppy dogish look, which landed him getting gently shoved in the face by Nikki’s palm, and without thinking Tommy’s first reaction was to lick it. Sticking out his tongue and licking up Nikki’s palm. Causing Nikki to quickly pull his hand away at the wet sensation. Both terror twins laughing in hysterics.  
—————————————————————————————————————-

The night went as follows, the two drank, shared sloppy kisses and and ended up passing out next to each other on Nikki’s couch. Nikki’s head resting on Tommy’s forearm, and he stayed that way for most of the night, up until early four in the morning. By four AM Nikki woke up, itching for a hit. Slowly, he looked over at the softly snoring Tommy next to him and got up. He wasn’t too worried that Tommy would wake up, the brunette was a heavy sleeper and could sleep through a fire alarm if he was out of it enough.  
Nikki looked at Tommy for a last few seconds and pressed a small kiss to his head, only because the drummer was asleep and wouldn’t be able to make fun of him for being caring. Though obviously he’d only be messing around. Little did Nikki know Tommy was awake and now trying not to bust out into the widest fucking grin he’d ever grinned.  
Nikki quietly stood up, walking towards his bedroom and closing the door after him. Tommy thought he was only going to the bathroom or something, now getting slightly suspicious, maybe he just wanted to change what he was wearing??

Nope. Nikki opened the top drawer or his dresser and pulled a previously prepared syringe of smack, grabbing a band and pulling it around his arm and up to his bicep until he could see a vein. Feeling the momentary prick before the calm of the high filling Nikki’s mind. he felt like he was floating in the clouds.  
Eventually, Nikki came stumbling back to the living room and laid down where he had previously been next to Tommy, placing his head back onto the drummer’s forearm comfortably.

To Tommy’s disappointment, Nikki was still in the same leathers he was in when he got up and walked away. A quiet sigh could be heard from the sleepy brunette, opening his eye a crack to see Nikki was already fast asleep. Tommy did nothing but gently run his fingers through Nikki’s hair. Realizing it was rather soft when it didn’t have 400 pounds of hair spray and mousse in it.  
———————————————————————————————————————-  
By the next morning Tommy was awake around nine, guessing the band would be meeting at 11:30, when they regularly ended up meeting for practice at the studio. Tommy headed to Nikki’s kitchen, as Nikki never had a problem with Tommy raiding his fridge or cupboards for food. But when Tommy looked in the fridge, all he saw were a few different kinds of alcohol, mainly Jack Daniels, and a bag of apples. Nikki’s cupboards weren’t much better, only a bag or corn chips and some candies. No wonder Sixx was so skinny, the fucker didn’t have proper food.

Tommy, annoyed by the situation ran over to a still sleeping Nikki and shook his shoulder, trying to wake him up.  
“Dude you literally have no shit in your kitchen we’re going to Denny’s. I’ll pay, just get your ass up I’m starving” Tommy said, looking down at Nikki who was now groaning and rolling onto his stomach, pressing his face into the pillow and murmuring some incoherent shit about how he had apples in the fridge.  
“Nikki if you dont get up right now I’m going to kiss the hell out of you” Tommy threatened, chuckling softly.  
Nikki stayed still and silent for a moment before rolling back onto his side to face Tommy. A little smirk across his smug face. “Then do it, maybe it’ll convince me to go with you”  
With that Tommy wasted no time leaning down next to him and pressing his lips to Nikki’s. Kissing him longingly before suddenly pulling away, Smirking.  
“Now get your ass up, sleeping beauty, we’re going to Denny’s.” Tommy said, dragging Nikki off the couch by the hand.  
“Fineee, let me get changed first, I’ve been wearing the same outfit since yesterday.” Nikki said, slipping away off to his room and Tommy hoped dressing was the only thing Nikki would be doing.

To Tommy’s relief, Nikki had only changed into a fresh shirt, and different leather pants, he even had some eyeliner on.  
“Fina-fucking-ly!” Tommy said, walking outside to get onto his motorcycle, Nikki not too far behind him. Swinging his leg over the motorcycle after Tommy and wrapping his arms around Tommy’s slender waist.  
Soon enough they were driving and on their way to Denny’s. Tommy simply couldn’t get over the feeling of Nikki’s arms around his waist, Causing him to grin widely once again. Jesus Christ, it felt magical. There wasn’t many people around because they had all driven to work. the air and the breeze felt warm. To Tommy, this all felt like a scene from a movie, except instead of a prince and princess on a horse there were Nikki and Tommy on a motorcycle, and instead of on their way to a castle, they were on their way to Denny’s to get breakfast.

Once the ‘prince and princess’ made it to the wonderful ‘castle’ by the name of Denny’s, Nikki and Tommy got off Tommy’s motorcycle. Tommy had parked his bike close to the entrance of the Denny’s so the two of them didn’t have too far to get inside.  
Once they made it inside, the waitress led them to a small booth near the back of the Denny’s and gave them some time to think of their orders. By now Nikki was already beginning to feel the ache to shoot up, meaning he wasn’t very hungry when all he could focus on was pushing away the craving for heroin.  
Tommy on the other hand, had the menu in hand and who was he kidding? He was just going to blueberry pancakes, they were his favourite after all. He had gotten them the first time he and Nikki had ever gone to Denny’s together, upon a week of knowing each other.

“Hey, Nik Nok, do’ya know what you’re gonna get yet?” Tommy asked, coming up with the nickname on the spot and deciding he liked it. meaning Nikki would probably end up hearing it a million more times whether he wanted to or not.

Nikki raised an eyebrow at the nickname, chuckling quietly. truthfully not knowing whether or not he liked it. He had a bunch of nicknames for Tommy so he’d let this one slide, for a while at least.  
“I dunno T-bone I’m really not that hungry..” Nikki said, actually feeling rather dope sick. Fuck why didn’t he think to bring some china white with him.  
“Bullshit, Nikki you don’t have food in your house and you look like a skeleton” Tommy said, Nikki was about to argue when the waitress came back.

“Have you boys decided what you want?” The waitress asked, looking down at Tommy and Nikki’s menus as she waited for one of the two of them to answer first.

“Can i have a jack and coke, please?” Nikki said, not bothering to look up at the waitress but handing her his unopened menu. Tommy rolled his eyes, why did Nikki always have to be such a stubborn fucker?  
“Could i get a plate of blueberry pancakes and a plate of French toast, please?” Tommy asked, smiling up at the waitress. Nikki couldn’t help but notice every time Tommy smiled at someone, it always looked so genuine and personal, as if he were smiling at a close friend.  
The waitress nodded and wrote down their orders, taking Tommy’s menu and telling them that she would be back shortly.

“You must be hungry” Nikki said, his default smirk appearing across his face as he looked at Tommy.  
“Well-yeah i am, but no the French toast is for you, Nik.” Tommy’s leg bounced quietly under the table and he heard an annoyed groan come from Nikki.  
Nikki knew that Tommy meant well, and that he was only trying to help him, but Nikki really wasn’t hungry, and if he was, he would’ve ordered something. But to Nikki, deciding he’d force himself to eat half of the French toast if it meant not admitting he felt dope sick.

“Oh c’mon, NIk Nok, pretty pleaseee?” Tommy wouldn’t regularly break out the phrase ‘pretty please’, especially with Nikki, but with the knew found knowledge that Nikki and himself shared a liking for each other, Tommy needed to use this to his advantage.  
Once again before Nikki got a chance to answer the waitress came back with two plates, one with blue berry pancakes and the second with French toast, in her other hand she held a little tray a class of coke and a tiny bottle of jack. Both Nikki and Tommy were thoroughly impressed with her balancing abilities.  
Tommy thanked her, followed by Nikki who thanked her as well and watched as Tommy slid the plate of French toast over to Nikki.  
Nikki wasn’t going to lie, it looked amazing, it smelt like heaven on a plate, but the craving for smack just about knocked out any desire Nikki had to eat the plates contents.  
Tommy looked at Nikki, gesturing for him to eat his French toast. Not want to sound like a whiny bitch, Nikki sighed and cut a piece off of the French toast and took a bite. It was great French toast, almost making Nikki want to have more. Pausing, Nikki opted for drinking the jack, then his coke (yeah they were meant to be mixed but Nikki drank them separately), then trying to consume the rest of his French toast. Doubting it would help but at least he’d have the excuse that he was full from the all and soda.  
Meanwhile Tommy was devouring his blueberry pancakes, pouring a stream of syrup over them and quickly shovelling bite sized pieces into his mouth. 

“Fuck, that’s good” mouth full of pancakes as he spoke. Glancing up at Nikki to see how much he had eaten. 

So far, Nikki had downed the tiny bottle of jack, drunken half his glass of coke, and eaten three bites of French toast, and was now fiddling with his fork and knife awkwardly. Tommy could already tell Nikki wasn’t going to touch the rest of his French toast.  
Timmy began Quickly scoffing down the rest of his pancakes and lookIng up at a big, round clock on the pale painted inner walls of the Dennys. Soon enough it was going to be time for the pair of them to head to their studio. Fuck, Nikki hadn’t written any new lyrics.  
“Hey, nik.. you feelin quick n creative?”Tommy asked, finishing off the last of his pancakes and moving both his and Nikki’s plate away and into a neat pile so it would be easier for the server to take their plates away.

“Quick n creative? That sounds like the name of a porno” Nikki said, snickering from behind a hand.  
Despite nikki’s laughing he felt twitchy and edging for a hit. fuck, Nikki really needed to quit this. He couldn’t even go more than four hours without a hit. It was fucking pathetic and he knew it. He needed to get clean, he’s overdosed four fucking times, that isn’t okay.  
Nikki was dragged away from his thoughts when he heard Tommy chuckling at the porno comment. God, tommy was easily amused.

“Hey Tom, can we go back to my house after we pay i gotta get my bass and i don’t wanna be late again” Nikki said, really he didn’t give two shits whether he was late or not. Maybe he used to, but everything ended in big arguments, normally concerning Nikki’s sobriety,and he just didn’t care enough to be there on time. He was just itching for a hit and needed an excuse to get home fast. Quickly getting his wallet out as he saw the waitress approaching to take away their empty plates.  
“Mind if we pay now?” Nikki asked, despite Tommy not getting a chance to reply to his quiestion.  
The waitress smiled and said yes, patiently waiting for one of them to get their wallets. Nikki being the first of the two, grabbing a black leather wallet out of his quite impractical pants pockets, but before he could hand over some cash, Tommy stopped him.  
“Nikki i said I’d pay, keep your bucks” Tommy said, quickly fishing his wallet out of his back jean pocket and pulling out a twenty dollar bill and a five dollar bill and handing them to the waitress. Nikki just laughed quietly and shook his head, stepping out of booth table, waiting for Tommy to follow him.  
The waitress thanked them both and brought their plates and cutlery back to the kitchen and went on with her day.  
Nikki eagerly led Tommy back to the motorcycle so they could head back to Nikki’s house, then it occurred to him, how to fuck was he going to bring a bass on Tommys motorcycle and hold onto Tommy... fuck.  
“Fuck, Hey T uh, how are we going to bring my bass to practice” Nikki said as they both approached the motorcycle, Tommy mounting rage vehicle first and watching as Nikki swung his leg over the bike and wrapped his arms around Tommy’s waist, preparing for Tommy to start the ride home.  
“Good question... maybe I could drive to the studio and drive your car back here and then leave my bike? Shit we really should’ve thought this through better.” Tommy rambled as he began the drive back to Nikki’s Van Nuys mansion. Nikki nodded and groaned, slowly forming a headache, fuck he wanted to shoot up. Now softly resting his head against the lower half of Tommy’s shoulder blade as they drove, particularly shielding himself from the wind.  
—————————————————————————————————————  
Once they arrived at Nikki’s house, Tommy stayed on the motorcycle and watched Nikki rush inside to grab his keys, minutes later coming back outside with them after fishing them out of yesterday’s leather pants pocket. Handing them to Tommy so he could go get his car from the studio parking lot.  
The more Nikki thought about this, the more convenient he thought it was. He’d be able to shoot up in peace and avoid Tommy’s judgment for an extra ten minutes at most, and once Tommy got back nikki would have enough time to set up some dope for half way through practice. Nikki walked through his house and to his room, setting up his fix and looking at his arms to find a vein to inject into. Nikki’s arms were covered in track marks, his arms were skinny and he couldn’t see a vein that hadn’t already collapsed on him, so he opted for another option. Pulling down his pants and injecting the needle into a visible vein in his thigh. Immediately beginning to feel the effects of the high rushing through him. All his previous cravings to shoot up? Gone. To Nikki, this was one of the best feelings in the world, but it was also the worst. He knew he relied on heroin. When he started doing it, it was just a simple party drug, but now? He was doing it to survive, even if it was slowly killing him. The fact that Nikki was pretty much reliant on a drug scared the fuck out of him.  
Time slipped by as Nikki zoned out into his own, high little world and soon enough, Tommy was knocking at his door.  
Nikki got up from where he found himself sitting on the floor next to his night stand near his bed. Grabbing his bass and walking to through his messied room and through the rest of his house and opening the door, greeting Tommy with a doped out smile and walking to the car with him.  
“Hey Nik Nok, ya miss me?” Tommy asked, a wide grin across his face as he hopped into the drivers seat of Nikki’s car, waiting as Nikki put his Bass in the back seat and hoped into the passengers seat.  
“Yeah, sure Tommy, you leave for fifteen minutes and I’m sobbing without you” Nikki said, chuckling softly, his voice heavily laced with teasing sarcasm. Nikki hadn’t put too much thought into Tommy’s absence, mostly because he was strung out on smack.  
Tommy started up the car and opened his mouth to speak  
“Awe? Sixx, I didn’t know you had emotions like that” Tommy spoke, laughing and quickly glancing at a smirking Nikki, taking his chance and pressing a kiss to the bassists cheek. Earning a wide grin from Nikki and a shove in the shoulder that caused the car to swerve along the curvy road they had to take to get out of Van Nuys and head on their way to the studio.  
——————————————————————————————————————-  
Tommy parked the car in the parking lot outside the studio and got out of the car, looking over the at Nikki who was already opening the back seat door to pull his bass out. They were a whole five minutes early, that was a personal record for Nikki these last few months. He was high, but he was here and that’s what counts.  
Tommy and Nikki walked through the mostly empty car lot and entered the studio, as they approached the building Nikki held the door open for Tommy, gesturing that he go ahead. Nikki wanted to stay a few steps behind because he couldn’t help but wonder if his band mates would ask Tommy about his whereabouts.  
Nikki followed Tommy through the studio up until he stepped into the their studio room, standing out in the hallways.  
Not to Nikki’s surprise, he heard a voice he recognized to belong to the short blonde by the name of Vince Neil asking Tommy where Nikki was, Tommy looked around, confused himself.  
“He was right behind me what the fuck..” Tommy stepped back out into the hallway and looked to the left, then looking to the right and being met face to face with Nikki.  
“The fuck- why are you just chilling in the hallway?” Tommy asked, giving Nikki a confused look. Didn’t Nikki want to prove that he wasn’t going to be late every damn rehearsal? He was really just digging himself deeper into a hole of arguments on his loyalty to the band.  
Nikki felt himself shrug, not feeling liking giving Tommy his real reasoning, thinking the drummer would judge his curiosity. Smugly, Nikki just placed a quick kiss onto Tommy’s cheek. Nikki was never one for lovey dovey public displays of affection, but if it would distract Tommy, why not.  
Sixx sauntered into the room, looking up at the clock to see he was still technically two minutes early.  
“See? I’m fucking here are you happy?” Nikki said, a confident smirk across his face. Tommy grinned, that was more like the Sixx he knew, all confidence and attitude. Though in all honesty, Nikki probably wouldn’t have even shown up if it wasn’t for Tommy. He still would’ve been sitting next to his bed side table, or worse, passed out with the needle still in his thigh. 

For the next few hours, the band went through actual musical rehearsal, there was no fighting, and all time was spent strictly on music related activity. They all began preparing and practicing for their upcoming tour of their newest album, girls girls girls. It was the first time in months the band could harness that authentic Mötley sound without breaking into loud, aggressive arguing, Nikki storming out, or in some cases, physical fights, mainly between Nikki and Vince.  
Nikki agreed to start working on lyrics for a few new songs and with that, the rehearsal ended. All four boys heading back home.  
Tommy left smiling, after watching Nikki thoroughly, he concluded that the bassist would be able to drive himself home and he’d see him at the next band practice they had planned for next week, though if he was lucky, he’d make plans with Nikki before then.

A few hours passed by since Nikki got home after rehearsal and he was still in the mood to work on his music, scribbling away lyric after lyric in a pile of papers shoved into an already filled to the brim book he liked to call his diary. Though eventually Nikki began to feel the urging pains of cravings starting to nag at him and he thought soon would be a good time to call Jason, his drug dealer.  
Fuck, Jason must’ve thought he hit the fucking jack pot when he met Nikki. It didn’t start out that way but now, Nikki was spending practically one thousand dollars a day on heroin alone. Nikki’s manager explained to him that if he kept this up that in exactly eleven months he’d be broke. But if Nikki was being honest, he couldn’t give a fuck. Not yet at least, he was too far deep into his addiction and, not that he’d ever admit it, but way too scared to ask for help.  
Putting his bass down, Nikki left his music room and went to his bedroom, where he found his phone sitting where it always was. Picking it up and wasting no amount of time dialling Jasons number, listening to the obvious rings the phone gave off till he heard a familiar voice at the other end of the line.  
“Hey, Nikki. What can i bring you today? The regular I’m assuming?” Jason’s voice could be heard on the other end of the line and Nikki felt an almost warm comfort, he knew when he heard Jason, his fix wouldn’t be too far behind.  
“Yeah, yeah just the regular amount of dope and could you get some coke too? Thanks.” Nikki spoke into the phone, a hint of disparity in his voice. For fucks sake, he sounded like someone listing off a grocery list.  
Jason confirmed what Nikki wanted and said he’d be over in half an hour, Nikki knew that really meant closer to an hour but hey, it was better than nothing.

Nikki didn’t like mixing Coke and heroin, sometimes it would leave him in a harsh daze of paranoia. Some days it was so bad that Nikki could’ve sworn people were coming to get him. Nobody was ever there, but to Nikki, he was absolutely convinced that there were men outside his door just waiting to take him away. Which resulted in him, huddling in his closet with his gun held tightly in grasp as he shouted for them to leave him alone. Anyone walking into this situation would think Nikki was a complete and utter mad man, which in some cases, he probably was. That night, Tommy had gotten a phone call, picking up his phone he immediately heard shallow, heavy breathing and panicked voice he believed to be Nikki’s.  
“Tommy? Tommy you gotta help me they- they’re fuckin coming for me dude.” At first, Tommy was confused, but then he tried to put everything into context, Nikki would sound was more pissed off if he were sober.  
“T-bone.. please they’re gonna fuckin kill me..” He heard Nikki‘s quiet voice through the phone.  
“Yeah, Nikki. I’ll be right there i promise. Just try to calm down, okay?” Tommy said, swearing he could feel his heart break as he heard a small sob from the other end of the phone.

Tommy hopped on his motorcycle and began driving back to Van Nuys, this time in the early AMs. Fuck, Nikki must’ve taken some serious shit to get this fucked up, though unfortunately, this wasn’t the first time this had happened. Tommy had gotten many previous calls from Doc, their manager, telling him that Nikki told his security service, west tech that there were men outside just waiting to shoot him dead. Doc thought Tommy would be able to talk Nikki out of it, but Tommy never tried. He knew it would only make things worse if Nikki knew that they were trying to help him behind his back.

Not nearly soon enough, Tommy arrived at Nikki’s house, knocking on the front door and immediately being greeted by shouting.  
“I swear to god if you don’t fuck off I’ll shoot you!”  
Tommy could hear Nikki’s panicked voice from inside the house, panicking slightly himself since he didn’t want to end up shot just because Nikki didn’t know it was him at his door.

“Nik, its T-Bone you called me earlier? I’m here to help you, Nikki” Tommy called out, deciding to take his chances because he really did care about trying to help Nikki. Not even five minutes later he heard the door creaking open and an absolutely terrified Nikki, gun in hand at the door, anxiously looking around and gesturing that Tommy should come inside quickly.  
“Hey, hey Nik put the gun down its okay i got you..” Tommy said, holding his hands out towards Nikki as if he were a scared dog.  
Nikki stared at Tommy for a second before hesitantly putting the gun down and wrapping his arms around Tommy, beginning to absolutely break down in his arms. Tears running down his cheeks faster than he could register as he began shaking in Tommys arms.  
Tommy, feeling his heart crack open, wrapping his arms around nikki and holding him against his chest. Gently rubbing his back and allowing Nikki to let out his emotions, there was no way that Nikki has had anyone to help him through all this because whenever anyone ever offered to, he immediately shut them down, So Tommy could imagine that this was this was the first time in a while Nikki let any form of vulnerability show to someone.  
“I’m just so fuckin scared, Tom..” Nikki said, whispering after his choked sobs.  
————-  
potential update!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> well ngl, this is kinda just a sad chapter but i promise the next one will be happier!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I would just like to say thank you so so so much for all feedback! All the positive and helpful comments made my day :)  
> This chapter is quite a bit shorter than the first one I wrote but I decided I’ll be able to update this story a lot quicker if i write shorter chapters, so feel free to tell me if you prefer slower updates and longer chapters or shorter chapters and faster updates !

Tommy continued to gently rub his back, trying his best to comfort the distressed Nikki in his arms. “I know Nik, i know. But I’m here for you, okay? I’m not going to leave until you’re okay..alright?” Tommy said, his voice very soft and quiet it was almost unlike him. He could feel Nikki nodding against his chest. 

“Nikki, lets go lay down, okay?” Tommy suggested, assuming the rather distraught Nikki in his arms would be much more comfortable, and potentially calmer laying down in a seemingly more comfortable position than they currently were in.

The bassist nodded, still clinging onto Tommy as if he were his lifeline. Feeling himself stiffen slightly as he remembered the dramatic state his room was left in, nothing he wanted the younger man holding him close to have to see. “Actually, maybe we shouldn’t my room-“ Nikki began, his voice slightly raspy due to his previous constant yelling, and current attempts to keep it sounding nonchalant before being interrupted.

“Nikki, I don’t care what your room looks like right now, I think we should lay down for a bit and breathe, kay?” The drummer wasn’t going to take no for an answer. In all honesty, he didn’t care what the bassists room looked like, he just wanted to make sure that Nikki remained okay. At least he distracted Nikki from thinking there were people out to get him.  
Nikki didn’t want to protest. As long as Tommy wasn’t going to give him some big ass lecture about tidiness, he wasn’t going to complain about lying down, especially next to Tommy. While his mind and heart beat still felt like they were going a mile a minute, Nikki couldn’t help but think the presence of his terror twin helped to steady him. Whether that was Sixx’s mind or the truth, Nikki didn’t care, it made him feel slightly better and that’s what mattered.  
Drugs had rapidly become a must have for green eyed bassist. It had gotten to the point where he didn’t even want to keep doing them but he was beginning to be left with no choice. Every time he tried to quit, life because an even bigger living Hell than it was to begin with. Nikki was convinced he was deemed a life of difficulty. Nothing came easy to him, and kicking heroin wasn’t going to be a first. Before Nikki could get dragged too deep into an endless hole of his own thoughts, he began leading Tommy through his house and to his bedroom.

Upon entering the older man’s bedroom, Tommy had realized a few things. One, being that the floor was barely visible due to a sea of previously warn clothes and bent, burnt spoons spread across the floor, two being that the room smelt strongly of cologne, the tangent scent of jack, and sweat, and three, Nikki needed a lot more help than Tommy suspected. The drummer wasn’t going to try and talk to him about the tragic state of his bedroom anytime soon, deciding to pick and choose his battles and comfort was much more important than tidiness. 

Once the pair of them reached the bed, Nikki climbed into it, twitching unintentionally as he moved a large, dark blue blanket around until he got comfortable. Despite the bassists clear drowsiness, he looked up at taller man a few feet away.  
“What are you waiting for, a formal invitation? Lay down, Tom.” Sixx’s words were barely coherent as he murmured against the side of his pillow, somehow still maintaining a gaze in the younger mans direction.

Tommy wanted to smile, and if the situation was different, he would’ve been grinning his ass off by now but the situation wasn’t different and this was his reality. Though never the less, he climbed into Nikki’s bed, pulling a bit of the heavy blue blanket over himself and a little farther over the emerald eyed man next to him.

A few minutes of peaceful silence went by, nothing could be heard but quiet breathing. However, this hushed moment didn’t last long because in an instant, Nikki shot up straight, eyes wide and a serene presence of fear within them.  
“I told you to fuck off!” Nikki shouted, his thoughts racing, slowly slipping back into a state of paranoia.  
Tommy a reached a hand out to grab Nikki’s wrist, something telling him it would be difficult to get the bassists attention without the sensation of touch.  
“Nikki... shh, nobody is here.. just me.” The younger man spoke softly, looking up at the panicked boy beside him.  
Nikki looked down at Tommy, something about him just seemed so believable, he was the difference between Nikki’s reality and his paranoia. Nikki stayed ghostly still for a moment. Everything seemed to be crashing down on him like a slap to the face. Nikki was aware things were getting bad but taking a look around, they hadn’t just gotten bad, they had gotten predictably worse. His floor was barely visible and Tommy had to drive all the way to his house before the light of dawn just to stop him from shooting a hole through his wall at things that weren’t even there. For the second time that night Nikki’s eyes were filled with tears and he absolutely hated it. Ever moment of it. Tommy must think he was pathetic, what kind of person breaks down twice within one night. 

Well, despite Sixx’s negative assumptions on what Tommy thought of him, the drummer wanted nothing more than to envelope the raven haired man into a tight hug and fix things. While immediately fixing things was not an option, nor was it even possible, what was possible was a hug. Tommy slowly sat up, his legs criss crossed as he moved the blanket away from his body, opening his arms up just in case there was the chance Nikki wanted to put himself into the warm embrace of his bandmates arms.

Staring at the open, welcoming arms Tommy held out and towards him, Nikki couldn’t help but scoot himself closer to the open arms. By now, he had given up trying to keep everything together, for tonight at least, allowing himself to sink into the warmth provided.  
Tommy didn’t say a word, only wrapping his arms around his terror twin and pulling him in tight, feeling the side of Nikki’s face rest against his shoulder, dampening the fabric of the drummers shirt. Tommy’s only wish was that eventually, they could hug like this on happier circumstances.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like i said previously I promise the next chapter will be happier!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some pretty wholesome content if i do say so m’self.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I hope you all had a happy new year!

After that the night went by pretty silently, not a lot was said once Nikki found himself in Tommy’s arms, he eventually calmed down enough to actually get some sleep in. Though he didn’t leave Tommy’s grasp all night, and even in the morning, leaning more to early afternoon, he still had his arms loosely around the drummers slim waist.   
Tommy had been awake for nearly half an hour, gently brushing his fingers through Nikki’s hair. It was nearing one PM and as far as he knew, neither of them had anywhere they were supposed to be, but that wasn’t the main thing on his mind. Tommy sat and wondered what him and Nikki really were. Well, bandmates, best friends and terror twins yes, but Tommy couldn’t help but think maybe they could be more? I mean, Nikki had confessed his liking for the drummer, and Tommy reciprocates those feelings, so what was the issue? Well, Tommy wasn’t sure if Nikki actually wanted a relationship. Maybe he was just in a rough place and mistook trust for attraction. He’d ask the bassist about that later, right now he just wanted to bask in the blissful silence and feeling of Nikki’s chest rising and falling against his own. Despite the dreadful night, Nikki looked quite at peace as he slept, his regularly tensed facial expressions were softened, he may not have looked overjoyed but he looked at peace, and that was a nice surprise.

Not too long later, Nikki began to awaken, slowly blinking open his pretty green eyes. Suddenly becoming aware of how close he was to Tommy and the fact that the drummer was awake. His immediate reaction was to want to pull away from the younger boy, however he was to comfortable to put too much more thought into moving away, instead he groaned quietly and murmured a tired sounding hey, Nikki wasn’t exactly a morning person, and with the fucked up sleep schedule he had, it didn’t make things much better.  
“Morning, T..” the sleepy bassist murmured out, his face still barely even an inch away from Tommy’s upper chest.

Tommy looked down, being led out of his thoughts by Nikki’s raspy morning voice. “hey, Nik Nok, you sleep well?” The drummer asked smiling when he realized Nikki didn’t immediately move away from him as he suspected him to.

“Mhm, sure did. How about you?” Nikki spoke as he lifted one of his arms up from being around Tommy, running his fingers through his raven coloured hair and looking up at Tommy, ruffling the other boys hair softly as well.

Tommy nodded “yeah same, hey i wanted ask.. so y’know how a few nights ago we were all like ‘yeah, i like you’ y’know all that um-“ Tommy paused, not that he didn’t know how he was going to say it, and its not like he hasn’t said it before but with Nikki it was just.. different? Realizing if he stayed quiet for much longer Nikki might end up thinking he didn’t reciprocate those feelings after all, and that was the last thing Tommy wanted right now. “We never really uh- made things official? And hey, i totally get it if you don’t want to I just-“

The drummer was interrupted rather quickly by Nikki, holding up his hand gesturing for Tommy to stop speaking for a second. “Look, T-bone.. I do, but I don’t think now is a good time...”He wanted to be with Tommy, but the idea of full commitment scared the bassist a bit. Only because this was Tommy. Nikki cant fuck this one up. Tommy was too important to him to fuck up and he didn’t want to rush into anything and screw things up. “I’m not saying no, definitely not no just- not yet?” Nikki added, not wanting to give the drummer the wrong idea.

Tommy nodded in understanding, he could wait. “That’s okay, Nik. There doesn’t have to be labels or anything” and Tommy was perfectly okay with that, he’s been waiting a few years now, what’s wrong with waiting for another little while. 

Both terror twins stayed silent for a few short moments before Nikki yawned, looking to Tommy with a small smirk across his face. “But hey, that doesn’t mean i cant ask you out, right? Say, today, in a few hours, you can pick where?” Nikki said, adjusting positions so he was now leaning against the headboard of his bed.

Hearing Nikki’s words, Tommy grinned. “Yeah! How about that restaurant a few blocks from the studio, I haven’t been there yet but it looks pretty good” the younger man suggested, I mean... you cant get pancakes on every occasion, right? In all honesty, Tommy was really excited, yeah he’s gone out to eat with Nikki many, many times before but this time it felt special, it meant something.

“Sure, how about i meet you there at..” Nikki’s eyes darted to the clock on his nightstand. By now it was almost two o’clock. “Does five work?” With that time, he’d have enough time to look presentable, shoot up but not be in the first hour of overly drowsy high, and it was just a convenient hour in general.

“Totally, I’m going to get going, i’ll see you in a few hours, bye Nikki!” Tommy, in his over eager mind wanted to get home and get ready, though in the long run that would most likely leave him at an hour of waiting around at least.

————————————————————————————————————

Once Tommy left, Nikki got up. The first thing he did was shoot up, hoping the high would go down enough by the time he was going to meet his terror twin at the restaurant. Once again going for the vein in his thigh. Upon choosing clothes, Nikki opted for a dark blue button up shirt with small white polkadots, a pair of black jeans and a black belt. That seemed like a neat outfit and Nikki liked it enough to wear it out on his date. After that Nikki went on to do his hair, giving it volume and spike, the process didn’t take too long because it was one he was used to. To complete the look, he added eyeliner and boom, Nikki Sixx premium.

When Tommy finally made his way home he parked his motorcycle and headed inside and went straight to his shower, it had been a few days since the last time he showered and that certainly wasn’t the longest he’d ever gone without a shower but showers always felt fresh and Tommy wanted to be fresh.  
Once his shower was over, he headed to his closet, digging through his drawers and pulling out a pair of low rise black jeans and a white tank top. In the drummers mind it was a s simple, yet flattering outfit. Tommy went fairly simple for hair and makeup. Blow drying his hair and back combing it only slightly to add extra volume, and for makeup, a little eyeliner on his waterline.

Now all they had to do was wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heh cliff hanger


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still mainly a pretty fluffy chapter. The boys get their date- for the most part :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! also updates may not be as regular as they are currently because my winter break ends monday, but i’ll do my best and i’ll try to update once at least once a week but hopefully more!

After a what seemed like excruciatingly long wait, it was finally five o’clock and Nikki was just parking his car when he saw a tall, recognizable slender figure outside the restaurant. It was T-bone. Once Nikki found a place to park, he got out of the car, walking in Tommy’s direction. “Hey, T” the bassist spoke, getting Tommy’s attention and watching him turn around and grin at Nikki.  
“Hey, Nik. Nice shirt” the drummer was filled with his regular excited energy as he spoke, Nikki could practically feel it vibrating off him, his smile was contagious.  
“Thanks, Tom” the newly smiling Nikki said, now turning his attention to the restaurant Tommy had picked, it looked relatively modern on the outside. “Wanna head inside?” The raven haired man suggested, motioning towards the restaurants entrance door.  
“Sure dude, lets go” Tommy started walking towards the door, deciding to be gentleman and holding it open for NIkki and smirking “after you” Tommy spoke in teasingly polite tone.  
Nikki looked at Tommy and smiled, rolling his eyes and walking through the entrance door. Tommy gave off such a vibrant happy energy, the kind anyone would find hard to ignore. How come Nikki wasn’t more like that? Sixx never viewed himself as an overly enthusiastic person, yeah he got excited, just happy even, and yet he found it difficult to portray those emotions across his face. Not that he tried to stop showing select emotions, he was just more of an ‘inside emotions only’ kinda guy, whether he liked it or not.  
Once the pair of them entered the restaurant they were met with warm toned colours and a very homey-like interior.  
“How may I help you boys this evening?” A waitress dressed in a blue dress, cropped right below the knees approached them, she had brunette hair, that looked like it would end up being around shoulder length but it was hard to tell since it was tied up in a high ponytail.  
“Just a table for two, please” Tommy said, he looked like he was practically bouncing up and down, anyone with even half a brain could tell that the drummer was excited and honestly, Nikki found it cute.  
The waitress nodded and gestured for the two them to follow her through the restaurant and to a table next to a wide window, eliciting the sunset lighting.  
“How’s this table for you two?” The brunette asked, Turing around to a conveniently placed shelf of menus and retrieving two of them.  
“This is nice, thank you.” Nikki replied, taking a seat in the chair closest to the back wall. Watching the waitress as she placed a menu each in front of them.  
“I’ll be back in twenty minutes to check if you’ve made up your minds, If you need more time that’s alright, no rush” the waitress explained before quickly disappearing in the opposite direction to help a small family get acquainted.  
The drummer took a seat across the table from Nikki and picked up the tall menu, skimming through it. Hopefully Nikki would actually eat all his food this time, though he wouldn’t put it past him to shrug it off and say he wasn’t hungry after eating half of his meal. Though to his surprise Nikki looked rather invested in picking something to eat. Very focused on the menu in front of him.

“What’re you gonna get to eat, Tom?” Nikki asked, looking up from the menu and at Tommy, focusing on the younger man’s pretty brown eyes. No cravings for dope had set in yet for Nikki so he was more willing to eat something, and it wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy food, but the beginnings of withdrawals always made him feel sick to his stomach, which I’m sure you can Imagine, doesn’t make food sound as appetizing as it normally would be.

“Well I was looking at this plate of spaghetti- dunno it sounds pretty frickin delicious, it comes with meatballs. How bout you, Nik Nok?” Tommy said, gently bouncing his knee under the table.

“I was thinking about the spaghetti too- but honestly I can never really look at spaghetti the same way after that one time so uh- there’s this sandwich that looks pretty good though.” Nikki was going to add ‘but not as good as you’ to the end of his spaghetti scarred sentence, but decided against it, assuming Tommy would laugh at him for making such a corny pick up line joke. 

“Nik- dude not the fuckin spaghetti thing i-“ Tommy laughed, deciding spaghetti was also off his choice list. Ah, the memorable spaghetti incident. 

“Sorry, sorry. Also T, you look good in a tank top” while it wasn’t the first time Nikki had seen Tommy in a tank top, the dim lighting of the restaurant just set the mood differently and suddenly it was difficult to focus on anything except for how good the semi-tight tank top fit the drummer.

‘Awe, thanks Nik. It’s one of my favourites. It looks good and it’s comfortable.” While Tommy was only wearing a plain white tank top, that didn’t stop Tommy form considering it his favourite tank top, mostly because he had heard Nikki compliment him in it one time previous to this occasion, months, months previous. So of course, Tommy held onto the compliment 

Soon enough the waitress came back to get their food requests. The pair of them told the waitress their orders, Nikki ordering his sandwich and Tommy deciding on a plate of spicy chicken wings. The brunette wrote their orders on a little notepad and quickly scurried off to the kitchen to tell the chef before going to tend to the other tables requests.

While the terror twins waited for their food they made small chat and occasionally flirty comments, mainly coming from Tommy but Nikki made a few bold comments himself. Though the bassist could feel a familiar gut feeling that returned each time he felt a craving for smack. His high hadn’t even come to a stop and yet he craved more, the high was still there but it wasn’t enough for Nikki, he needed more.  
Nikki didn’t want to shoot up right now, especially not right now when he was on a date with Tommy but fuck, if he didn’t there would be obvious signs and the sandwich Nikki was rather content on getting might not get eaten, or worse, eaten and thrown up. So there Nikki was, forced to decide whether or not to struggle through a few hours of withdrawal, or give in and hope he can act sober enough to fool Tommy.  
“Hey Tom, I’ll be right back I just need to head to the bathroom real quick” well, Nikki made the decision that most stuck in his situation would. He excused himself from the table and went to shoot up. To Nikki, there was never a better time to wish he never took heroin in the first place then the time he had right now.  
Tommy nodded, but he wasn’t stupid. He could see the evident panic growing on Nikki’s face, his eyes always gave it away. The way they widened and he held his breath for a split second. Tommy wasn’t the most observant person in the world but Nikki’s green eyes were alway a dead give away of his emotion. The now left waiting drummer sighed, he knew it wasn’t necessarily Nikki’s fault but it frustrated him none the less. Tommy felt selfish to hope Nikki could stay sober throughout the entire date. (unbeknownst of the fact Nikki shot up the moment Tommy left his house) He knew it would be difficult for Nikki but he really wished it wouldn’t be. But alas, wishing never fixed anything did it. So there Tommy sat, waiting for Nikki to return, probably high as a kite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry for bringing up the spaghetti incident but i saw my chance and took it lmao


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor Tommy didn’t even get to taste his chicken wings.

Twenty-five minutes later and Tommy was still waiting for his date to return from his sudden disappearance to the washroom. Knowing Nikki, Tommy was beginning to panic. He knew the bassist was shooting up, without a doubt, but hasn’t it been a little long..? Nikki would’ve come walking back to the table at turtle like speed by now. Tommy sat in internal panic as he tried to decide whether or not he should check on Sixx, what if he over dosed again? Before Tommy could get another thought in he saw a familiar figure walking back to the table slowly. There was Nikki, kite high, practically in his own little world.  
“Nikki, what the fuck. I thought you were- doesn’t matter.. just what the hell dude, why’d you take so long?” Tommy interrogated, clear concern present and visible across his face.  
Nikki took his near back wall seat once again, pulling his chair, along with himself in it, closer to the table and murmuring something about how his zipper was stuck. “S’all good, tom. M’back, I’m here no need to worry” Nikki said, a slightly cocky grin appearing across Nikki’s face. “Betcha missed me, hm?” One of the upsides to the high, in Nikki’s opinion, was that drug gave him somewhat of a false confidence. Over time, Nikki had gotten very used to the comforting feeling of the heroin high he would experience, somehow getting to the point where the bassist needed it to almost feel human. Without it there was a cloud of awkwardness, not to say Nikki couldn’t function completely, but it sure made it a hell of a lot easier.  
Before Tommy could say anything, the waitress came back with two plates, one holding Nikki’s sandwich on it, the other containing Tommy’s spicy chicken wings. “If you two need anything else don’t hesitate to ask” the waitress said, flashing them a friendly smile before turning on her heeling and heading back into the kitchen.  
Nikki looked down at his sandwich, picking it up and taking a bite. “T-bone this is a good sandwich” Nikki said, knowing Tommy didn’t believe his stupid excuse about a difficult zipper, and it might take a bit to track Tommy’s mind away from the subject of drugs, but he had to start somewhere.  
“Yeah? I’m glad you think so..” Tommy replied, sounding somewhat frustrated, and a nagging feeling of disappointment. He was relieved to say the least that Nikki wasn’t a dead corpse, limp on a restaurant bathroom floor, but he didn’t look far from it. Nikki looked like he was about five seconds away from falling asleep, his pupils were constricted, skin flushed, and one of the most recognizable physical changes about Nikki was how skinny he had become, more specifically his arms due to the sheer amount of collapsed veins. Nikki was almost zombie like and despite the fact that this was no shock to the drummer, that only saddened him further.  
“Oh c’mon.. Tommy don’t get all upset-look, dude I didn’t mean to take that long.” Nikki didn’t want to admit that the reason it took a lot longer than it regularly would of was because he zoned out and once he zoned back in, he forgot where he was and freaked out for a few minutes before remembering where and why he was there.  
“I don’t care how long it took you, Nikki. I was this close to walking in and making sure you weren’t fucking dead on the tiles. Look, I care about you, Sixx, but there’s only so much I can do. You barely let me help so until you get your shit under control, I don’t know what you want me to do. If you want my help Nikki, I’ll be at your side in the blink of an eye but I can’t sit and watch you slowly kill yourself like this, okay?” Tommy’s words flooded out sounding pained, it wasn’t long before he felt his eyes begin to water. “Call me if you need anything..” Tommy muttered loud enough for Nikki to hear before abruptly getting up and leaving the restaurant, leaving a fifty dollar bill on the table, which was about twenty dollars more than needed to pay for both his and Nikki’s food.  
Nikki sat in silence, not even fully there for Tommy’s whole speech. All he caught through his foggy thought process was as following: ‘almost dead on tiles, Tommy cares, help was needed(help that Nikki had to ask for) and the obvious, that Tommy was upset.  
Eventually, Nikki got up, walking through the restaurant and going to find where he parked his car. After a while of searching, Nikki found the familiar vehicle and began digging through his pockets to find his keys.  
A solid three minutes went by before Nikki got his keys from his small jeans pocket and unlocked his car, getting into the drivers seat, ready to drive home. Taking time to think about Tommy’s words before he got going anywhere.  
The drummer made it immensely clear that he would help Nikki if he simply asked for it. Though unfortunately as the stubborn person Nikki was known to be, he already had trouble simply accepting help, asking for it was almost out of the question, but it was a step in the right direction. He just had to figure out how.

Tommy found himself at home and upset. He couldn’t help but feel guilty leaving Nikki alone at that restaurant, it was their first date and it was the most fucked up date Tommy had ever been on. Not to mention he left Nikki alone to drive himself home. Fuck, the doped out man he left at an empty table with untouched chicken wings and a bitten sandwich was in no condition to drive, though there were no phone calls about his bandmate dead from a car crash so he could only assume Nikki had gotten home safely, or hadn’t found his car. Part of Tommy found himself wanting to call Nikki’s home phone to make sure he was alright, but the other part of of him told him to wait for Nikki to reach out and call him first. Especially after that little speech, there was no way Tommy could call, he was going to stick to his word.. for now,

A few hours passed by and Nikki found himself leaning against his steering wheel, head against his hand. When the rather confused bassist lifted his head to look around it was pitch dark and the only light was illuminating from the street lamp posts. Somehow Nikki passed out asleep while so deep in thought and there he sat, two AM in an empty parking lot.  
What the fuck.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nikki had two options that morning, and one phone call could potentially determine it all.

It took Nikki a few minutes to register what was going on but eventually, he remembered the previous few hours of his night. Shooting up, Tommy’s little speech and disappearance and his last few thoughts, but he couldn’t figure out when he passed out.  
Starting up his car, Nikki began his drive back home to Van Nuys in complete silence. All that could be heard was the sound of his tires on the road. Things were going so, so well so far.. but of course, it didn’t stay that way. Nikki just had to fuck things up, exactly like he promised himself he wouldn’t.   
To make things worse, Nikki already knew what he was doing when he got home, why only fuck up a little when you can fuck up big time, go big or go home, right?Eventually Nikki reached his home, pulling up into the driveway and getting out of his car.  
When Nikki found himself inside, making his way back to his little safe haven closet, burnt carpet, bent spoons, cocaine and dope awaiting him. You would’ve thought Nikki would’ve learned his lesson when it came to dope and coke, right? Well, he did for a few hours, but then eventually he’d get high on one or the other, and try to balance it out with an even dosage of whatever drug he didn’t just take. Not to say this cycle repeated itself everyday, but it was a common one of Nikki’s routines.  
Meanwhile, Tommy lay home alone, restless and trying to sleep over the sound of the TV blaring from his living room, he wanted it loud enough that he could hear it from his bedroom and hear it well, for the soul purpose of wanting to make sure Nikki wasn’t fucking dead. If he couldn’t call his stubborn terror twin, he’d rely on the news, at the expense of his sleep.   
Tommy was fully aware of how unhealthy his own life schedule had gotten, trying to keep an eye on Nikki constantly, but truth be told, the drummer was terrified. He thought surely after Nikki had died for two minutes and ended up in hospital that he would’ve gotten the hint to kick drugs but nope, which lead Tommy to believe that if Nikki could die and keep doing dope like nothing ever happened, then nothing was stopping him from ODing again, and who can escape death twice?  
Tommy didn’t want to admit that he’d spent countless nights losing sleep due to his concern for the bassist, the only thing stopping him from calling Nikki every day to make sure he was okay was the thought of how mad the older man would be when he began to assume Tommy was trying to take care of him.   
Goddamnit, Sixx..

Whilst Tommy was awake listening to the TV and worrying, Nikki was cooking up his next hit. Having first done coke, and deciding he was over the coke high and wanted the calm rush of his loving enemy, heroin. While that was all fine and dandy, the immediate rush flooded over Nikki like a nostalgic memory. Though unfortunately for Nikki, this comforting nostalgia only lasted for around fifteen minutes before the dreaded paranoia drained Sixx of his calm. Suddenly, Nikki was convinced that people were once again out to get him. Nikki sometimes found it funny how when he woke up, remembering the night before and realizing nobody was ever at his door, yet every time he sat, strung out and afraid in his closet, there wasn’t a fibre of his being that thought against the fact people were there to get him. No matter how many times, he was always the gullible dog falling for the same old tricks.  
In Nikki’s sudden state of panic, he B-lined to his drawer filled with the contents he had purchased from Jason last time the last time he stopped by. Nikki was sure if whoever was coming for him saw all the dope hidden away in his house, he’d be dragged into deeper hole than he already dug himself into. So gathering all of the drawers contents, Nikki ran to the wash room and quickly flushed them away. They were gone, and he was one step closer to getting the very threatening (not to mention imaginary) people outside his house, just waiting for the right moment to break and window and take Nikki away doomed to nothingness.  
Freezing, Nikki’s eyes locked on his home phone, thoughts of Tommy filling his mind. Tommy had made him feel safe, protected and dare he say loved, but in Sixx’s state of hysteria, he could only remember Tommy’s frustration and dramatic exit on their date, which in Nikki’s currently conjumbled mind, meant that Tommy didn’t care. Whether he’d still see it that way when he came down from the high of slight insanity was a whole new question. All that mattered right now was in that moment Nikki had nobody but the thoughts in his mind to seek comfort in. He was completely alone.  
————————————————————————————-  
Morning came slowly for Tommy, but once he was up, he immediately got up and checked his answering machine, in hopes a message from terror twin would be found, but to Tommy’s disappointment, nothing but a short message from Mick reminding him that there was practice again in a couple of days. Damn. Though it didn’t really surprised the drummer all too much. The realization that Nikki would most likely never call and end up forgetting the conversation completely, leaving Tommy no choice but to call Nikki a week later and pretend it never happened slowly began to set as he sighed, turning away from the phone in disappointment.

For Nikki, next morning came to Nikki like a fall to the pavement when he realized all his dope, and whatever was left of the coke he had asked Jason for a few days prior. Fuck- at least five hundred dollars of dope, gone. All because he was dead set on the fact people were coming to take him away. For the second time Nikki found his eyes locked on the phone, he could one, call up his dealer, Jason to get more heroin, or two.. the certainly more difficult option of calling Tommy and not only apologizing, but also asking for help.  
The choices tossed and turned in Nikki’s mind like rapid waves and he knew they would be on his mind till he couldn’t take it anymore.   
Calling Jason was an easy escape, a solution for Nikki’s problem and in the short term, a less painful option. Something stopping Nikki from just giving in and calling Jason was the thought that he only had one chance to ask for Tommy’s help, and if he didn’t take now who knows how long it would be before Nikki worked up the courage to ask him again. Maybe with Tommy’s help, heroin would be out of his life forever.  
All it took was one phone call..


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cheers to a hopefully forever sober, Nikki Sixx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to be honest, this chapter seems a bit off to me and i can’t pin point why, so if something seems different, i’m sorry ! anyways, enjoy :)

Well, Nikki made a choice. Was it the right choice? He wasn’t really sure himself but it felt like the right choice. Nikki had struggled through many things in his life but he was never one to take the easy way out of things. So that morning, Nikki decided that he was going to kick heroin once and for all. He was going to pull through this, finally get his shit together and beat his addiction, and Tommy was going to help him.  
Before Nikki made any moves to call the drummer, he was going to clean up a little. A wave of motivation rushing through him like the feeling of fresh air. The bassist wanted to get a start on throwing away any broken needles, syringes and check to make sure he really didn’t have any dope left before the withdrawals started getting harsh.  
This was a fresh start and NIkki wasn’t going to fuck it up, not this time.   
Nikki looked around his room, after around 15 minutes of nothing but picking things up, there were no more needles, syringes, cotton balls or burnt spoons around his floor. That was a start and Nikki was proud of it.  
Next came bottles, there were open bottles, broken bottles, empty bottles, even a few completely untouched bottles. Nikki sighed as he looked at the amount of broken glass, honestly surprised he hasn’t accidentally cut his foot after getting out of bed. Deciding the glass bottles were the first to go, he started bc picking up the bigger, less broken pieces.  
Half an hour later all the glass was picked up and thrown away, and the untouched bottles were put into a cupboard. Personally, Nikki felt some what accomplished so far. As for the clothes well, most of them ended up getting shoved into the closet to deal with later but hey, you gotta start somewhere.  
Everything felt like a new beginning to Nikki, but then again, that’s how it always started. Anytime he had tried to quit dope in the past, it would always start off the same. Immense amounts of confidence up until the second or third day, but those attempts had something this one did not, Tommy.   
While the bassist hadn’t exactly asked Tommy for help yet, he remembered the younger mans words of assurance that he would be there in an instant, all Nikki had to do was ask. This part scared Nikki. All he had to do was pick up the phone and tell Tommy his plan to stay sober, but how he was going to somehow add the words ‘can you help me’ were unknown to him. Maybe Tommy would offer and all he would have to say was yes.  
Tommy’s day wasn’t going as productively as he wanted it to, all he managed to do was practice drumming, nothing in particular, just whatever popped into his mind, he’d play. That was only an hour gone, the rest of the drummers day was spent laying across his couch, watching MTV and eating saltine crackers from an open box, and he didn’t plan on moving anytime soon. That was until he heard the phone ringing over the buzz from his television.  
Tossing the crackers to the side, Tommy practically jumped from his seat and hopping over to the phone, because there was the slight chance that it would in fact be Nikki, and when he picked up the phone, he wasn’t disappointed.  
“Hey T-bone? It’s Nikki guess what?” Nikki’s voice rang through the telephone and for a moment, Tommy swore he could hear excitement.. what?  
“Yeah, hey Nik. What’s up?” Tommy leaned against the wall, twirling the phone line around his index finger. What could Nikki have called to tell him? Probably something about finding dope. Tommy was once woken by the sound of his phone ringing early in the morning, only to hear NIkki on the other end telling him he found a little baggie outside and assumed it was coke. Turns out, it was only sugar and to say the least, Nikki was disappointed.  
“Okay well first off.. I would like to apologize for yesterday, not only for taking so long but for-yknow.. uh, if you’re still up for it, I’d like to try again, maybe we could go out some other time.. wait before you answer that..” Nikki took a deep breath, calm down Sixx, the difficult part hasn’t even happened yet.   
“I’m trying to quit smack, I’m not fucking around. This time it’s gonna be out of my life forever.” Nikki exhaled his previous deep breath, it felt nice to say those words out loud.  
“Really? Hey, Nikki that’s awesome I’m proud of you. And yeah, I think I’d like to go out with you again, Nik. But withdrawals are Hell so.. how about in a month or so?” Tommy couldn’t believe what he was hearing, was Nikki really going to get clean? He’s gotten calls from Nikki before telling him that he was going to get clean.. how could he know the bassist was telling the truth.  
Nikki felt a little smile form itself onto his face. A genuine smile, not a doped out grin or a smirk, a fucking smile. “Yeah, maybe by then I’ll actually have a fuckin appetite again.. Wanna come over and hang out? I gotta start doing normal people shit” truthfully, Nikki still wanted to ask Tommy for help, but felt procrastination taking over him. Plus, he wanted Tommy to see he was really serious about getting clean this time. Nikki felt like he needed to prove it to him.  
“Yeah, okay. What time?” Its not like Tommy had any plans, so he was prepared to say yes no matter what time Nikki ended up suggesting. He was just proud Nikki was going to get clean.  
“Whatever works, now if you’d like to” Nikki shrugged, despite his own excitement he didn’t want to fuck up Tommy’s day plans. Plus, if Tommy couldn’t come for another few hours, he’d be able to work out how exactly he was going to ask Tommy ‘hey, could you please help me?’ And you may be asking ‘hey Nikki, why don’t you just say that?’ Well the answer is simple, that’s admitting too much, a more subtle approach was what Sixx was going for.  
“I could. Head over now, Nik Nok.” Tommy had expected not to hear from Nikki till the next band practice at the earliest, so the shock was still with him when he finished up his conversation with Nikki through the phone. He had agreed to head over to the bassists house now, so off he went to the hopefully soon to be forever sober, Nikki Sixx.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the journey to sobriety has to start somewhere, and it’s starting off pretty damn well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! sorry for not updating over the weekend. I know it really hasn’t been that long but I felt bad for breaking my regular update schedule.

It wasn’t long before Nikki heard a knocking at his door. Excited, Nikki couldn’t help but feel a spike of anxiety in the back of his mind. What if this attempt at sobriety would fail just as the others did? He couldn’t give up on this one. 

“Hey T!” Nikki finally came to the door, opening it and greeting the drummer at his door, stepping to the side so Tommy could come inside.  
Nikki’s house looked pretty much the same since Tommy’s last visit there. The only difference he could immediately notice was the blinds were no longer closed and the room was filled with more natural light. “Hi Nik” Tommy returned the welcoming grin Nikki offered in their greeting.

“Thanks for coming over Tom- I actually still wanted to talk to you about something but I didn’t really give myself a chance earlier on the phone.” Nikki began stepping away from the doorway and towards his living room, gesturing for Tommy to follow him so they could sit and talk.

Tommy felt a short jolt of worry as he followed Nikki to the couch, what would Nikki need to tell him that he couldn’t just say over the phone? Those kind of sentences were the ones you heard right before you got broken up with.. but if him and Nikki and him weren’t labeled in the first place.. would it even be considered breaking up? But that couldn’t be it, Nikki asked to go out sometime again, so what could it be? Tommy decided to break his thought process before he got distracted completely and forget to answer Nikki all together. “Okie dokie Nikki, I’m all ears.” Taking a seat on the couch facing Nikki.

“Alright um-“ cmon Sixx, all you have to do is say ‘Tom, i need help with this.’   
“Well I’ve tried to get kick smack before and it was Hell and I always gave up sometime around the third day- anyways, could you- could you help me?” Once Nikki heard the words come from his own mouth he realized it wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be, Tommy made it simple. The way he just, sat there looking forgiving and understanding.

Did Tommy hear him correctly? He knew he told Nikki that he could ask him for help anytime but he didn’t expect him to ask anytime soon, a little smile appearing across Tommy’s face. This was some fucking progress. “Of course I can, Nikki. I’m really glad you asked me for help, Nik. I’m sorry for kinda running away mid date I was just frustrated and-worried”

“It’s fine, Tom. I would’ve been pissed off too. I didn’t wanna go shoot up but my plan was to only do a little so I wouldn’t start to feel weird but I didn’t end up only doing a little..i dunno, my point is that I’m Sorry. But hey, once I kick this shit, It’ll never happen again and I’ll be able to focus on you and you only” Nikki felt a happy smirk appear on his face as he ended his apology. The bassist was glad to add a positive at the end of his sentence. The thought of never needing to shoot up again felt irregular, but hopefully, dope would no longer be an everyday thought. If he was lucky, not even a thought in general.

Tommy watched as a little smile settled itself onto Nikki’s face. While the bassist’s smile wasn’t a rare occurrence, a 100% truly genuine one was, and Tommy was glad he was there to see it. He was also glad the news Nikki was nervous about saying over the phone was a simple ‘could you help me, Tommy?'. Something Tommy was glad to finally hear from him. "Looks like i'll be the star of your thoughts" Tommy grinned, happy to hear that he would gain all of Nikki's soon to be undivided attention.

"sure Tom, if you say so" Nikki said, his thoughts of happy dope free dates with Tommy quickly being cut short as he felt the beginning of withdrawals starting   
to set in. The beginnings were never the difficult part, it was always an hour or a few days in that shit started to get difficult. The first three days were always the worst so Nikki figured if he could make it through those first few days, he’d pretty much be home free. If he could deal with those days, he could could deal with the easier ones. Nikki made the quick decision that he should probably shop for proper food and pain killers before the withdrawals got worse, he may have asked for Tommy’s help but he was going to do as much as he could before he physically couldn’t. 

“Hey T-bone, wanna go to the store? I should probably get some normal shit to eat and some pain killers.” Upon asking it occurred to him that Tommy might have had something to do today and his sudden health kick might be fucking with Tommy’s day plans. “unless you had other plans for today- you don’t have to come, I know whatever you have planned is probably more fun than buying food and aspirin-“

Tommy cut his rambling terror twin off mid sentence, sighing quietly. “Nikki, chill. One, I don’t have anything planned to do today other than hang out with you. Two, I’m here to help you. Not that I think you need help going to the store, but I mean even if I did have plans, I’d cancel them because you’re more important right now.” Tommy spoke his words clearly. Wanting to make sure Nikki understood he wasn’t just going to leave him to do something more interesting. Especially right now.  
“Alright. Thanks Tommy. Hey, just for coming with me you can help pick out some food to get.” Nikki snickered at the minimal ‘reward’ Tommy got for accompanying him to the super market. Though the thought of Tommy’s company was slightly relieving.

“Oh boy Nik, that’s great. I hope you like pancakes because we’re buying pancake mix and cheese bread” Tommy started off his sentence light with teasing sarcasm and ended it genuinely excited to buy pancake mix. Tommy’s joy was fuelled by simple things, and pancakes were simply one of those things. 

————————————————-

Eventually the pair made their way to Nikki’s car and buckled up to head to the nearest super market. Nikki’s plan wasn’t to stay long, just to grab the necessities and whatever Tommy wanted then leave as soon as possible. Not only could the bassist begin to feel his head begin to ache (which was quite often followed by other aches and pains while dealing with withdrawals) but he also wasn’t looking forward to potentially getting recognized. Nikki wasn’t one to dislike Mötley’s fans, in fact he loved them quite a bit but fuck, what he would give to be able to go places and not constantly have to worry about some random person coming up to him to chat about the band or ask him questions. Especially today when he was already on edge and itching from the lack of smack. 

The drive was mainly silent apart from the buzz of the radio and the sound of wind blowing through the opened car windows. Nikki was making a mental list of everything he wanted to pick up on his trip to the store, the list was as follows:  
_pain killers  
-apples  
-pancake mix and cheese bread for Tommy  
-coffee beans  
-maybe a coffee machine, he honestly couldn’t remember if he had one, and if he did, where it was.  
-popsicles. Why? Because popsicles are great and take pretty much 0 effort to eat.  
-maybe sandwich ingredients  
With that short shopping list and the motivation to enter and leave the grocery store faster than the speed of light, Nikki was set to shop fast and start off his journey to sobriety right, with Tommy and a proper food selection at his side.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ah, so Hell begins in the super market.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a shorter chapter but haha guess what, it’s a cliff hanger too :)

Once Tommy and Nikki made it into the store, Nikki looked around for a minute before seeing a stack of grocery baskets, used to help you shop more efficiently. Quickly, the raven haired man went to grab a basket and come back to walk around the store with Tommy at his side.

“Alright T, we can go get the pancake mix and cheese bread first then we’ll grab some other things.” Nikki said, carrying the basket alongside them as he went over his shopping list in his head once again.

“Sounds like a plan Nik, but listen you gotta get healthy shit too, you cant just live off candy and pain killers for the next month, y’know? Get some fruit or something.” Tommy suggested. From the sight of Nikki’s cupboards before, the man really didn’t know how to pick out proper food. I mean, corn chips, candy and apples are great and all but no where near enough food or specifically enough healthy food.

Nikki kept walking till he reached an isle with shelves taller than both him and Tommy filled with coffee before he answered Tommy’s ‘no candy’ advice. “The sweetest thing I’ll be buying today are popsicles, relax T-bone.”  
Tommy nodded, he knew Nikki should know better than to try and get through withdrawals with just candy and pills, that diet alone would just be painful, going through dope hell or not. Tommy turned his attention to all the different kinds of coffee, not even aware that that many different kinds of coffee existed. “What kinda coffee do you wanna get, Nik?” The drummer asked, turning back around to face Nikki.

“Dunno, they’ll probably all taste the same so..” taking a look at a few different brands of coffee, Nikki decided to just put two different kinds into his grocery basket, decided he’d try both and then drink whatever one he liked better. Now on a search for a coffee grinder, Nikki looked around at the isle labels, canned food section, meat section, candy isle, where the fuck was the coffee grinder isle?? “Tom do you know where the coffee grinders are?” Nikki asked, taking a final look around before looking to Tommy. The bassist felt like his patience was just slowly being chipped away at, despite not being in the store for very long at all. If there was one isle labeled ‘basic needs’ Nikki would’ve gone straight to it. Surely there would be a coffee grinder there.

“Well, this is only a grocery store so.. I don’t think they sell them here.. they only have food and like-Tupperware here.” Tommy raised an eyebrow, did Nikki really not have a coffee machine? “How bout we just get decaf tea or something, coffee’s overrated anyway.” Tommy shrugged, coffee was good but having a caffeine headache sucks, and would probably suck worse on top of everything else Nikki would have to go through, so decaf tea sounded like a better alternative.

“Decaf tea? When the fuck did we become 80 years old?” Nikki murmured, not keen on the idea of skipping over purchasing the coffee but on the other hand, driving all the way to another store to buy a coffee grinder sounded worse, especially when he was already beginning to feel tense, so.. he picked his battles. “Yeah okay, fine we can get decaf tea.” Nikki put the two types of coffee back onto the shelf and headed for the tea section.

—————————————————————

Eventually, their shopping journey was over, about thirty minutes and 4 explanations on ‘why sandwiches are a better choice in lunch food than apples and popsicles ’ later (a compromise of popsicles and sandwich ingredients were bought) and Nikki was relieved. Within the thirty minutes spent wandering the isles his shoulder and arm muscles had been tensing up and un-tensing quite a bit, causing an uncomfortable and almost harsh pulse like feeling. Yep, Hell has begun in the super market. The withdrawals had officially begun. The bassist began suspect Tommy was guessing that something was wrong because of the way he kept watching him so closely, looking ever so concerned on why he looked so stiff. 

“Hey Nik you want me to drive? You look a little tired..” Tommy didn’t want to be too straight forward, knowing if he worded it more along the lines of 'hey Nikki, you look like you're in pain, want me to drive for you?' he would just be left with a pissed off Nikki, and there would be zero chance of convincing the bassist to sit in the passengers seat.

Nikki thought about it for a minute. While yes, it would probably be a good time to take a little break considering the circumstances, Nikki still felt the need to push through it. it wouldn't be impossible for him to drive, uncomfortable maybe, but impossible? Not even close. "No, it's fine Tommy, I can drive." 

Before the drummer even had a chance to say something, Nikki was already opening the driver side door and getting ready to drive. Goddamnit, Sixx..  
"alright..." Why did Nikki have to make things so hard on himself? Yeah it was only driving home, but the poor boy was obviously not in the best state, still capable but at the expense of his comfort. One would think that the obvious solution would be to just except Tommy’s offer to drive but nope. Nikki somehow thought he needed to prove that he could do something and do it well till he overworked himself and was forced to take a break, and I guess being okay was just one of those somethings.

As the drive began, Nikki could find his thoughts bouncing in between ‘there’s only 15 minutes till we’re home’ and ‘can I even move my arms right now?’ Unfortunately for Nikki, the dull arm aches and shoulder stiffness had turned into shoulder stiffness muscle cramps, a recognizable pain. Now once again, they could be worked around, but driving when it hurts to move you arms probably isn’t the brightest idea......


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While it wasn’t exactly a great beginning, it could’ve been worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! sorry about the while it took me to upload this next chapter. some things were going on and I wasn’t sure how i wanted to go about this chapter. anyways, happy reading!

Five minutes had passed since the painful drive had back from the store started and they began their drive back to Nikki’s house. Tommy could already see that visible discomfort was becoming more prominent across Nikki’s face. The bassist looked like he was trying to keep himself still from shaking, and Tommy was getting increasingly more worried about him. He wanted to ask Nikki if he needed help again but he didn’t want to piss him off, he wouldn’t listen if he was pissed off.

The truth was, Nikki was focusing so hard on trying to keep his hands on the wheel that they were beginning to shake. Fuck- this really wasn’t a good idea. If Nikki’s arm strength gave out, he could quite possibly swerve into another car, and they could crash. The best way Nikki could describe the current pains in his arm would be that they feel similarly to when you’ve been doing a plank for too long and you’re just barely holding yourself up. Except for Nikki, it was barely being able to keep a grip on the wheel without his arms shaking. Man, now would be a good time to ask Tommy for some help because Nikki knew for a fact that driving like that wasn’t safe. And he was just about to pull over and ask the drummer for help when his arms said a simple ‘ha, good luck with that.’

As they were driving, Tommy was arguing with himself whether or not he should tell Nikki to pull over so he could drive. He knew what was going on, he wasn’t blind. Nikki had fallen into the first day of withdrawal Hell, his arm muscles were stiff and cramping up and with cramps came small muscle spasms. Nothing close to enjoyable but Tommy was surprised they came so quickly. Tommy decided Fuck pissing Nikki off, driving like this wasn’t okay and it hurt him to watch Nikki sit in such pain like that. “Nikki hey, I think we should-“ before Tommy got a chance to answer, he felt the car jolting to the side, barely swerving around some car in the lane next to them. Tommy ended up grabbing the wheel before the bassist could shakily get a hold of it and worse could happen. Somewhat of a small car accident had occurred due to the sudden reckless driving by the bass player. Nothing fatal but a collision between the front of one drivers car and the back of another. For fucks sake today was supposed to be a good day...

The car Tommy and Nikki were in was now parked at the side of the road so they could assess what just happened and switch drivers. Nikki felt better now that his arms were down, stiff and aching none the less but they weren’t physically tensed up which helped. “Fuck- I..” the raven haired man was taking in all that just happened.. just because he couldn’t say ‘Tommy you wanna drive home?’ He didn’t even have to mention why, but instead this happened.

“Nikki what the fuck just- what just happened?” Tommy felt his voice echo through the car for a second of pure silence. The drummer was beyond frustrated. He understood why what just happened but it could’ve been easily avoided, but Nikki was too stubborn to hand over the car keys..

“Tom I’m sorry-fuck..” Nikki swore, and his explanation began. “My arm just- I don’t even know they like- locked up?” Nikki felt horrible, physically and mentally. Headache, cramped up muscles and twitchiness, oh and to top it all off he just caused a small car crash, so there’s some guilt to add to in there to the pile of annoyance anger and sadness Nikki was already dealing with, of course any of the happy he was feeling from spending so much time with Tommy was thrown out the window the moment they had stepped into the car.

“This could’ve been easily been avoided Nikki I- dude.. look I’m not mad at you I know what’s going on right now and I get it- I guess you thought you’d be able to just deal with it till you got home but Nikki.. if you’re in pain it’s probably a clear sign to stop what you’re doing just like- take a little break. Let me drive, I even offered to” This was the second time Tommy had to explain to the bassist that he had to actually heal to recover, how many more times would it take before Nikki finally listened? “You gotta learn to just kinda.. accept this kind of stuff, Nik..”

Nikki sighed, there it was again. Tommy’s little ‘asking for help doesn’t equal weakness’ speech. Tommy’s voice was like his conscious, but a little nicer to listen to. “Yeah Tommy I know- i was just about to ask you before my arm decided to go ‘fuck you’ and lock.” Nikki laughed a bit, trying to lighten the mood, but Tommy wasn’t really having it.

“Sixx lets just stay serious for a second..” Tommy signed, why couldn’t Nikki just take this seriously? “I’m glad you were gonna ask me but just- ask quicker next time, okay?” Tommy could hear the concern in his own voice, and he just hoped Nikki could hear it too. If he didn’t he might just end up sounding like some parent lecturing their child, and Nikki would hate that.. so lets just hope he doesn’t hear it that way.

Nikki groaned softly, through out this whole mostly one sided conversation, he’d been biting the inside of his cheeks, trying to ignore the constant little twitches and that little part of his brain that told him ‘if you just shot up, you wouldn’t have to deal with this.’ “T I promise i was listening but do you mind if I grab one of those pain killers?” Nikki said, glancing towards the back seat of the car and at the grocery bags of stuff they bought.

“Yeah, Nik go ahead.” Tommy said, running a hand through his hair. Well, pain killers were kind of a step in the right direction? A small one at most because accepting help from a little pill was easy, but hey, at least Nikki knew he wasn’t fully pain intolerant, and at least he had been listening.

The bassist let a small smile slip onto his face as he reached to the backseat slowly, to prevent pain. He realized eventually he’d have to get out of the car and apologize to the poor unfortunately people who were caught up in his sudden loss of control, but he’d wait for the pain killers to kick in before he left the vehicle.  
Opening the bottle of medicine, Nikki took two small, blue pills. The recommended dosage was one but Nikki doubted one would do anything, so he popped the two of them into his mouth, swallowing them one by one dry. While it wasn’t exactly a great beginning, it could’ve been worse.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> old people decaf tea:)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! sorry about my inconsistent update schedule, i’m trying to update as much as I can.  
> i was wondering if any of you had one shot suggestions? I am considering making a book of one shots once I finish this story.  
> anyways, tell me what you think!

Twenty minutes of pure silence went by as Nikki waited for the little pills to kick in, they didn’t do much but after the small rest Nikki went to apologize to the poor people caught up in the driving collision. They must’ve thought Nikki was insane or something. He walked over them, unable to stay still as he apologized. Not in anyway was Nikki a stranger to social interaction, but it had been while since he had to apologize to some random set of strangers, or... talk to a set of strangers.

Watching Nikki as he shuffled over to the two couples was fucking depressing. Where the fuck did Nikki’s social skills go? He was so social... but the moment he got sober he seemed like an awkward little kid apologizing for knocking over someone’s fine china plates.. While Tommy waited for Nikki to come back from apologizing, he got out of the car and headed to the drivers seat, just in case the bassist thought he’d be okay to drive, though after that, there wasn’t really any reason to think that way, but you could never tell with Nikki.

After around half an hour of apologizing and some excuse about not looking where he was driving, Nikki walked himself back to the side of the road that his car was parked on, with a waiting Tommy inside. Nikki could’ve explained why he had actually suddenly swerved but did he have to? Did he really owe them that much of an explanation? Well, probably yes. Nikki noticed the change in seating and sighed, did Tommy really not trust him enough not to wait until he came back to change seats? “I’m back” Nikki knocked on the car window, trying to get Tommy’s attention so the drummer would unlock the cars doors.

Tommy was leaning his face against his hand, which was propped up against the side of the car. The drummer was half asleep as he waited for Nikki to come back from his apology, though his dazed sleep like state didn’t last long once he heard faint knocking on the door, it was Nikki. “Hey Nik, how’d it go?” The younger man asked after unlocking the car door and watching the raven haired man get into the passenger seat, thank God he didn’t argue.

“It went fine, I apologized, said I’d pay for their car damages and explained I wasn’t looking where I was driving.” Nikki said, his voice rather flat toned like he’d prefer not to be talking. Truthfully, SIxx felt like his little explanation to Tommy was childish. ‘Yes mommy, I apologized to the neighbours for knocking over their vase’ Nikki didn’t feel the need to explain himself, but then again.. Tommy never asked for an explanation, only if it went well. Good job Sixx, you dug yourself a hole then got upset you had to lie in it.

Tommy nodded, now realizing Nikki still had the car keys he looked to his terror twin, Nikki looked pretty burnt out, physically and potentially mentally, a nap wouldn’t be a bad idea. “Hey Nik uh- could I have the car keys?” He asked, watching the bassists face closely, to his surprise, the keys were simply handed to him without a word.   
Nikki looked very tired and kinda shaky, and Tommy felt bad. Sighing softly, the drummer reached over to the passenger seat and held onto Nikki’s hand. He wanted to say something like ‘it’ll be okay’ or something of the sorts but he didn’t want to make Nikki uncomfortable. Plus, the bassist probably knew Tommy was here for him, and he would just be repeating words.

Nikki looked away from the window he found himself mindlessly staring out of, instead Turing his attention to the younger man next to him after he felt one of the drummer’s hands grab his own gently. Tommy’s hand was surprisingly warm and Nikki gently grazed his fingers over his knuckles. The bassist wasn’t exactly caught off guard by the sudden small sign of affection but he was curious on why it was happening, not that he was complaining or anything, it was nice. Though he would much be at home holding his hand, being elsewhere felt.. tiring. “Not that I don’t appreciate this little hand holding moment but uh- could we start driving back to my house, T?” Nikki was beginning to feel on edge and uncomfortable and would much rather be home.

“Yeah, sure Nik Nok. Hey we can make some of that ‘old people’ decaf tea, as you called it” Tommy said, allowing a small grin to slip onto his face as he began the remainder of the drive back to Nikki’s home. 

“Yeah, Tommy we can.” Nikki said, watching Tommy as he drove. He looked so at ease, care free and calm, not to mention pretty and it was just straight up cute that the drummer seemed pretty dead set on making that decaf tea. Sometimes Nikki couldn’t comprehend how Tommy just flowed so easily with everything, his ability to have both a ‘yeah okay’ attitude and a ‘badass’ attitude at the same time, how was he such a perfectly structured human being?  
——————————————————————

Tommy pulled into the driveway, parking the car and getting out of the drivers seat, heading towards the back seat to grab as many of the grocery bags as he could so Nikki wouldn’t have to carry as many, and considering they didn’t buy much, there wouldn’t be too much to be carried. Tommy brought two bags with him, leaving the third one for Nikki. 

The bassist got out of the passenger seat, grabbing the third bag from the back seat of the car and carrying it to the front door, waiting for Tommy to unlock it since he still had the keys. The bag Nikki carried was a rather light bag, it only had the tea bags and lettuce for sandwiches in it. A few minutes after trying to explain to Tommy which key to use to open the front door, Nikki ended up taking the keys and unlocking the door himself. He was too impatient to stay outside and watch Tommy fumble around with his keys for half an hour, though he did appreciate the drummer’s effort. Once they were inside, Nikki placed the bag on the kitchen counter, grabbed the bottle of painkillers and told Tommy he was going to go lay down for a little bit. The two pills Nikki took earlier really weren’t doing anything for him, his drug tolerance was probably too high for them to do much so maybe if he took a few more he’d be able to sleep it off for a while.

“Okay Nik” Tommy nodded and looked at the bags of groceries on the counter, suddenly remembering the popsicles and rushing to put them in the freezer, hoping they weren’t already melted from the wait in the car. To the drummers relief they were still surviving.   
Tommy decided that he was going to make some tea for the both of them and a sandwich for Nikki, whether he’d eat it or not was a different question. Though he wouldn’t be surprised if the sandwich was left untouched because nothing really seems appetizing when you feel sick, and his terror twin was going to feel a lot sicker within the next few days.. but never the less he made the sandwich, it was always nice to have options.   
Tommy looked around the unfamiliar kitchen in search of a tea kettle, eventually finding one in a cupboard full of fancy plates. Pouring water into the kettle and waiting for the water to boil, humming a familiar tune and beginning to make his sandwich for Nikki.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter has poorly written descriptions of vomit so- if you have a weak stomach or just don’t like that- you have been warned !

Once Tommy was done perfectly constructing a sandwich with just the right amount of everything and pouring two cups of decaf tea, he headed out of the kitchen, through the living room and down the hallway to NIkki’s room. Since the drummer wanted to be efficient, he balanced Nikki’s tea and sandwich in one hand, and carried his tea in the other hand. By some miracle, nothing spilt. Half of Tommy wished Nikki was asleep so he could avoid whatever current pain he was in, but the other part of him wished the bassist was awake, so he could talk to him. Tommy always preferred Nikki’s company over anyone else’s. Even with any of his new girlfriends he would always choose Nikki over them, so you could imagine his delight when Nikki confessed a similar liking to the drummer after Tommy drove him home on his motorcycle.  
Upon Tommy’s arrival to his terror twins room he noticed two things. One, his room was evidently more tidy since the last time he was there, and two Nikki was curled up under his heavy dark blue blanket. Tommy wasn’t really sure whether Nikki was asleep or not, but he set the plate and one of the tea cups down onto Nikki’s bedside table. Gently poking Nikki’s shoulder with his free hand to see if the bassist was awake. Nothing, though he could see Nikki’s chest rising and falling with each breath so he seemed fine.  
Deciding he’d wait till Nikki woke up, not wanting the bassist to wake up and discover Tommy was no longer there, he left Nikki’s sandwich and tea and headed to the living room with his own teacup in hand.  
———————————————————

It had been a few hours since Nikki fell asleep, though he was jolted awake ever so unkindly by the feeling of nausea and hunger, an unfortunate combination. The bassist looked around, the only light source he had was dim lighting coming from the lamp on his beside table. There was no natural light shining in through his windows, it must have been late. Tommy must have left by now..  
Nikki looked around his room further, noticing a plate with an untouched sandwich and a cup of what he guessed to be the now cold decaf tea his terror twin was hyping up earlier that day. Feeling his stomach growl and nausea decrease, Nikki decided he’d see how much of the sandwich he could eat for now.  
Nikki picked up the sandwich, it looked good. There were lettuce, bacon, tomatoes, mayonnaise, a basic BLT sandwich. Before he could consider the fact that he might not even be able to keep the sandwich down, he took a bite of it. It tasted good. Tommy really was a man of sandwich craftsmanship.

Tommy was bored, very bored. The drummer had considered leaving but he didn’t want to leave Nikki alone like that... so he sprawled himself out onto the living room couch and began reading some mediocre book Nikki had on his coffee table, nothing Tommy was too invested in, just something to help pass the time that wouldn’t end in accidental breaking some part of his sleeping terror twins living room. Though Tommy’s peaceful reading was interrupted by the sound of a thump and a fit of coughs coming from the bassists bedroom.  
Upon arriving outside Nikki’s no longer closed bedroom door, he glanced into the bedroom and to Tommy’s surprise, there was nobody in it. Well, the drummer didn’t really have long to dwell on his concerns of Nikki’s whereabouts because he heard more raspy coughing coming from the washroom down the hall.  
When Tommy peaked his around the corner of the wide open bathroom door he frowned at the unfortunate sight of Nikki, on his knees in front of the toilet, heaving up the contents of what Tommy could only guess to be the sandwich he had left for the previously sleeping bassist. Tommy felt his heart hurting, Nikki didn’t deserve any of this, and yet here he was, vomiting his guts out and shaking like a leaf. 

As Nikki felt the contents empty from his stomach, he also felt a gentle hand moving his hair away from his face and another gently rubbing his shoulder. Of course this freaked him out, Nikki had assumed he was home alone, though he quickly relaxed when he realized Tommy mustn’t have left.  
What felt like an eternity later, Nikki was left dry with the taste of vile filling his mouth as he dryly gagged, which slowly eased into nothingness, leaving him shaky and with flushed, tear stained cheeks.  
“Tommy..?”Nikki felt the soreness in his throat and he mumbled out Tommy’s name, just wanting to make sure it was in fact Tommy standing next to him. 

“Yeah, Nikki its me..” Tommy replied, gently rubbing Nikki’s back as he sat there and shook. Poor Nikki.. he looked so pained, and the drummer was sure he probably was. “Nik do you want me to get you some water?” In all honesty, Tommy didn’t know if NIkki would even be able to drink the water without it automatically becoming just one more thing to throw up. 

“No thanks, T.. fuck, I thought you went home or something..” Nikki’s voice shook as he spoke to Tommy, his voice raspy and quieted. He hadn’t expected the drummer to just hang around all day, especially once he had passed out asleep, but he was kinda glad he did. Though he wasn’t exactly ecstatic about Tommy watching him heave his guts out and sit on the bathroom floor either.

“Nah, I wasn’t gonna just leave you here, I needed your opinion on the tea, remember?” Tommy said, trying to lighten the mood as he took a seat next to Nikki on the bathroom floor, wrapping an arm around Nikki’s visibly shaking shoulders. “Let’s go lay down, Nik. The floor is cold” Tommy suggested, knowing Nikki couldn’t be comfortable just sitting there on cold bathroom tiles like a poorly constructed frosty the snow man.

Nikki wanted to get up, he wanted to go curl up, preferably next to Tommy and forget any of this ever even happened, but the bassist was scared that if he tried to get up, his legs would just give out, and that’s just fucking embarrassing. But explaining why getting up wasn’t a good idea was probably worse so... “yeah, okay, Tom..” Nikki reached for the nearest ledge to help pull himself up. Everything hurt, Nikki felt as though he had been thrown out of three story building window. Though a few short seconds later Nikki felt a pair of hands around his waist, helping him steady himself. “Tom, you know you really dont need to-I can do this mysel-“ Nikki cut himself off, Tommy was being too kind to him and he was grateful for the drummers help, so there wasn’t really a point in trying to argue with him. “Thank you, Tommy..” and just like that, Nikki was back on his feet, walking as quickly as he could to his bedroom, dragging Tommy along by the hand before collapsing onto his bed, to say the least, it was way more comfortable then the tile flooring he would’ve decided to stay seated on if Tommy wasn’t so- well, Tommy.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An angel sent from heaven, or a devil in disguise..

The terror twins laid in silence on Nikki’s bed, a sign escaping Nikki’s lips. While laying down felt better, he still felt fragile. Every little movement he made caused him to want to flinch, maybe more pain killers would help. The bottle was still there from before Nikki took his nap, and he realized he wouldn’t really need to worry about taking ‘too many’ of the pain killers because well, what ever he had consumed previously was gone. The bassist simply swallowed the pills, getting water took too much energy and Tommy looked comfortable and pretty much almost asleep, so he didn’t want to disturb him. Poor Tommy.. he had to sit here and put up with all of this. Nikki felt a pang of guilt when he realized how much shit he’s put Tommy through, not just in the last week but just- ever since his problems started. Not just Tommy, but the rest of the band too, no wonder Vince was always in a pissy mood, Nikki was barely conscious while they were practicing and was probably just as much of an asshole. But Tommy.. Tommy never yelled, or got angry at him during practices, he was always there in Nikki’s corner, defending him when he was too out into his own little world to defend himself. It must’ve taken some sort of tole on the younger drummer.  
Nikki vowed to himself that once he was feeling better, he would constantly do things to show his appreciation to Tommy, starting with taking him on an extremely fancy, romantic and probably slightly over the top (but in a good way) date.

Time must’ve slipped by because by the time Tommy woke up, the sun had risen and he felt what appeared to be Nikki’s face jammed into his shoulder. However the bassist pretzeled his way closer to Tommy, the drummer didn’t know and didn’t really question. All he knew was that it must not have been that long since they fell asleep since Nikki wasn’t awake and aching, and Tommy planned on staying as still as he could until the raven haired man woke up on his own, not wanting him to have to wake up and deal with whatever withdrawal pains were haunting him today. Instead of going back to sleep, Tommy decided to use this time to examine Nikki closely. While still looking very Nikki like, the drummer noticed a few key changes in the sleeping beauties appearance. One, Nikki was a lot skinnier, even in his face. His jaw line and cheek bones especially standing out. He also looked incredibly tired, his eyes had big, dark circles around them, looking almost as though he hadn’t fully been able to smudge away stage makeup. though Tommy wasn’t sure if Nikki always had darker eye bags and they were just accentuated due to his pale complexion. Nevertheless, Tommy couldn’t view the older man as anything less than beautiful. It saddened him to see how much of a physical tole heroin had taken on his terror twin, not only the probably permanent track marks that littered any place near a vein on his arms or legs, but also the sickness in his face, though hopefully that would be gone soon enough.. Tommy signed softly. He was sitting here, thinking down upon Nikki when he really wasn’t a saint himself, he had done all the drugs his darling bandmate did but yet he never seemed to have a problem with them. Hell, he had even shot up heroin with Nikki a few times. Though Tommy never understood what drove Nikki to fall in love with that he’ll sent drug.  
Before Tommy could fall any deeper down his rabbit hole of thoughts, the quietly laying bassist shifted around, moving himself away from where he was crammed against Tommy’s shoulder.

That morning really didn’t start well for Nikki. He was torn away from his peaceful sleep like a fish from water. He felt nauseous, and yet he had nothing to vomit up so he was left with a constant gagging feeling. The thought of literally anything physically repulsed Nikki, food, water, movement, touch, anything. It was really making Nikki start to regret this whole ‘getting clean’ thing. Jason was only a phone call away, all he had to do was ask and within half an hour, Jason would be here with a fix that could make it all go away, like an angel sent from heaven.. or a demon in disguise. Nikki quickly shook the thought of Jason from his mind, there was no way he was quitting now. Only a few more days before the worst of his pain was over, and that was enough motivation to keep the thoughts away.  
“Hey, Tom..” Nikki mumbled, a droopy smirk falling across his face as he lay still, trying to blank out his discomfort.

“Nikki, hey dude. How’d you sleep?” Tommy asked, rolling onto his side so he could face the bassist beside him, moving his arm around a little to regain blood flow after having Nikki practically cut off his circulation all night.

“Decently.” Nikki answered, keeping his replies short. His voice sounded mixed between breathy and forced but also raspy from just waking up, a strange combination but not surprising. 

“That’s good, Sixx. Want some breakfast or some-“ Tommy began, trying to offer breakfast or a glass of water before he was cut off shortly.

“T, I’m sorry but I’m about this close to throwing up whatever stomach acids i have left please dont-“ Nikki lifted it up his hand just a bit off the bed to push his fingers together, gesturing supposedly how close he was to throwing up. Pained but still sarcastic as ever.

“Okay, okay. Sorry yeah I won’t bring anything its fine.” Tommy quickly said, gently combing a hand through his own hair before coming to a realization and gently biting his lower lip. “Hey uh, NIkki? Do you mind if i borrow a shirt and maybe a pair of pants? I mean I could go home to grab some of my own I just don’t wanna leave just in case.. y’know.” 

“Yeah, go ahead Tommy, you don’t have to ask its fine.” Nikki closed his eyes, laying on his back and facing the ceiling, allowing himself to take deep breaths, listening to the sound of Tommy rustling through some shirts and pants, on a search for something to wears while Nikki focused on his breathing. It seemed to help, taking his mind off any tension for a few moments while he simply breathed.

A few minutes later Tommy slipped into something a little more comfortable than the pair of clothes he had been wearing for a little over two days now. A pair of cut off sweatpants and a black muscle shirt were his choices from Nikki’s large clothing selection. He wanted to suggest Nikki to change as well but considering the raven haired man probably would have done so by now if he wanted to made Tommy change his mind on bringing it up at all. Nikki looked alright in the moment, laying there stiffly and just breathing, it looked like he was doing some kind of meditation or something, the kind where you just- focus on yourself and clear your mind but really, Nikki’s mind could be going a mile a minute and Tommy wouldn’t know unless he asked. Not wanting to disturb the silence, the drummer quietly left the bedroom. Although Nikki clearly wasn’t hungry, didn’t mean Tommy wasn’t. So Tommy searched through the kitchen to find something he could eat quickly that would still fill him up, settling on a bowl of cereal. He’d be back to check on Nikki in a moment, but right now was a nice, peaceful breakfast time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I just thought of a cute little idea to write a short follow up on this story once I finish it called ‘Sixx forms of appreciation.’ basically just a six chapter story of different ways Nikki tried to show his appreciation for how much Tommy helped him.  
> anyways, tell me if you think that’d be a good idea!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a drug free cruise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuck- sorry for my sudden disappearance, i got a massive wave of constant homework and some interesting life events but i’m back! :)

Nikki yawned, having fallen asleep once again somehow through out his little search for calm resting, looking around the room the raven haired man groaned. Tommy wasn’t there, and he was still, unfortunately in pain. A mixture of hunger, nausea and muscle aches filled the bassists body, without a doubt he would’ve thrown up anything consumed if he had anything left in him, all he could do is suffer in silence. Maybe Tommy really had gone home. Part of Nikki almost wished the drummer did go home. Not that he didn’t appreciate Tommy’s presence or help, because he did appreciate it, quite a bit actually. What kept chewing at Nikki like a dog to a long over chewed bone was the fact that Tommy could be doing so much better with his days, and he knew that was true. It’s not like the drummer was some average joe, he had parties to be at, people to talk to, ladies to get to know, and yet somehow the motherfucker was here, watching Nikki bitch about his headaches and almost injure some people in a car crash, but Tommy was still here. Honestly, Nikki didn’t fully understand it, he knew Tommy cared about him, in more ways than one, he cared about him too.. but how could he put up with all this?

Cereal eaten, dishes done and a few popsicles eaten, Tommy was still here. The drummer laid himself across the soft carpet that decorated the dark wooden floors of Nikki’s living room. While having nothing to do did contribute to Tommy’s bored state, absence of Nikki contributed to that as well. Though he could always go check up on the bassist to make sure he was fine, Tommy didn’t feel like getting up from the comfortable carpet just yet. Instead, thoughts of Nikki filled his head. How proud he was when he got the phone call from Nikki telling him he was going to quit heroin, how his heart dropped when he got a phone call from the hospital about Nikki’s overdose. Man that day hit hard, though Tommy couldn’t say he didn’t suspect it. Well- he didn’t suspect it, but deep down, he thought he did. Tommy knew how much Nikki was struggling with heroin.. so it was only a matter of time till something would’ve happened, he just didn’t expect any of it to be so.. sudden. Tommy couldn’t even begin to imagine what things would be like without Nikki, as much as Nikki needed Tommy like a life line, Tammy needed Nikki. He was his soulmate, best friend or lover, if they were going down, they were going down in flames together.  
Once Tommy snapped out of his own little though bubble, he felt a few small drops falling down his cheek, and it took him a fee minutes to realize he had been crying, gently wiping the tears from his face, the drummer got up, now was a good time to go visit Nikki, if not for Nikki’s sake, then for his own.  
When Tommy go to the bedroom, he opened the door quietly and didn’t say anything, he saw Nikki laying still on the bed, back facing the door, somehow, he suspected the bassist was awake. “Nikki?” Once Tommy heard himself speak, he realized there was an unsuspected wobble in his voice, which made Nikki instantly turn around.

“Everything alright, T?” Nikki said, feeling the words fall out of his mouth in a raspy yet worry induced tone. He wasn’t used to hearing the drummer’s voice like that, and in all honesty, he didn’t like it. Not that he didn’t like Tommy’s voice, but he didn’t like the sad sounding emotion behind it. Tommy didn’t deserve to feel sad, he was so.. amazing how could he deserve anything but happiness.?   
Ignoring his own aches and pains, Nikki inched over a little on the bed, making room for Tommy to come and comfortably lay down beside him.

Tommy noticed the opened space on the bed and happily crawled into it beside Nikki, looking at him carefully, as if he were the fragile one right now. “Yeah Nik, I’m alright. I think I just have allergies or something. How are you?” Allergies seemed like a good enough excuse, it fit well enough. Tommy didn’t care too much if the bassist saw him cry, it wouldn’t be the first time, he simply didn’t want to give Nikki something to worry about, not right now at least. Plus his terror twins mere presence seemed to make whatever sadness he felt slowly flow out of him like a purified stream.

Did Nikki believe anything Tommy rambled on about allergies? Not a fucking chance but who was he to sit here and interrogate him, he seemed okay now and that’s all that mattered, if Tommy wanted to talk about it, Nikki was sure the drummer would’ve started going on and on about it, yet another thing to enjoy. You never had to interrogate Tommy, if he wanted to tell you something, he would tell you every last bit of it “alright, Tom..I’m pretty okay- I mean i feel like I’m on a little drug free cruise that makes me fucking sea sick but- I’m fine” Nikki offered a sly smile, he was being completely honest, if he felt like anything it was sea sick and hungry, though he decided not to mention the constant thought of a need for heroin, a never ending voice in the back of his mind, almost as if to convince him that this would go away if only he were to take another hit, Jason was a phone call away and Nikki knew it, but hopefully if he didn’t talk about it, the cravings would go away. Another thought to fly through Nikki’s mind was the idea that he hadn’t showered in well over a week, though it clearly wasn’t the longest he, or Tommy, had gone without bathing, the idea of a warm shower sounded fucking incredible.  
“hey Tommy? I think I’m going to take a shower or something it kinda sounds necessary at this point..” Nikki said, slowly sitting up, trying to avoid any quick, cramp causing movements, knowing the moment he stood up he’d be faced with pain, hopefully not for much longer. “Y’know T-bone you don’t have to spend every waking moment with me making sure I don’t accidentally puke my brain out-not that I don’t appreciate you being here for me, I do but just- go do some fun shit for a while, my house is fucking boring now that I think about it, you can come back later if you want but- please go do something fun.” 

Was Nikki trying to push him away? Potentially yes but at least at the invitation to come back later. Had Tommy been too much? Too clingy? Too overbearing? Fuck, what if Nikki wanted him to leave for a few hours so he could call Jason or something? “Alright Nik Nok, but call me if you need anything, yeah?” Tommy suppressed a quiet sign as he got up from the bed, he had to trust Nikki for this to work. Nikki was one stubborn bastard, he wouldn’t go run off and call Jason the first chance he got, would he? Especially not now... not while he was doing so well.

“Yeah, i gotcha Tom, go do something before you die of boredom” Nikki said, waving to Tommy as he left the room and eventually the house. Nikki knew he was pushing Tommy away, but what other way could he get the drummer to leave and go do something to benefit himself and not just Nikki. The bassist knew Tommy had favourite activities, and staying inside while the suns out and pretty and the stars are somewhat visible at night despite the mass amount of city lights definitely wasn’t one of them, and if he didn’t tell Tommy to leave, he probably wouldn’t have left till Nikki was a while into stable sobriety. He loved Tommy, but he wanted him to go have fun, plus.. a shower, or potentially even just a bath in absolute peace and silence sounded like something Nikki would appreciate right now.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you like it! i’d love some construction criticism!


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